Inspiring Tapestry

One of the highlights of my holiday was a visit to the Lake District and in particular to visit the Quaker Tapestry. To realise that people in many countries had all taken part in stitching part of the 77 panels, telling the story and history of the Quakers and insights into life in the early centuries, was quite inspiring. Also, enjoying needlework, it was interesting to look closely at the way they had been stitched to give depth to them. (the panels can be seen at www.quaker-tapestry.co.uk/panels.htm)

Refreshing Holiday

I`ve just had a wonderful weeks holiday staying with some friends the other side of the country. I didn`t realise how much I needed a holiday until I got there. I do feel so much better for it. Just time to relax, to not rush around, to unwind. To have someone to have a leisurely walk by the sea with, for a day out touring the beautiful countryside, To be in the easy company of friends and after catching up on news, the ability to spend an evening just companionably sitting with them without any of us feeling the need for any conversation much, but just feeling at ease.

It`s not until one stops that one realises how much that break is needed is it?

I feel totally relaxed now, infact I`m finding it difficult today to put my mind to doing anything now I`m back, I`m wandering aimless round the house, wondering whether to go out, whether to just sit down, whether to do bits around the house, but yet feeling inclined to do nothing!

Bluebell time

Can`t think what to write today, so here`s a photo of a Bluebell wood for you to enjoy instead.

Holiday jobs

Why is it, I wonder, that when the prospect of a holiday is looming, there always seem so many jobs to be done in the time before it? Holidays seem to make work! Why do I feel that I must leave every loose end, tied up? Are they really worth it, with all the rush of jobs before them?
Or, is it only me, that feels that everything must be left straight? Why do I feel that? Is it somehow a fear that one might not come back? Or perhaps its subconsciously wanting to come back to a fresh start? I don`t know what it is. But yet, perhaps prospects of a holiday are good in that it makes one finish jobs that have been sitting on the side for weeks?

HURRAY!!!

Hurray!, Three cheers! Success at last!
And grateful thanks to a friend for a suggestion of what to do and for being willing to come and look at the problem.

Do computers have minds of their own?!
Do they like to be mischievous and play us up like naughty children?
I think this computer must have known someone was coming to look at it, because suddenly this afternoon before the friend arrived, it decided to behave and let me get in to read my mail.

I know when things go wrong we often hear people say it’s the computer`s fault, and I`d always thought, no it must be the operators fault, that they`ve put the info in wrong etc., but now I`m not so sure. And I`m not saying that I don`t tap wrong keys or enter wrong items, I often say my `trademark` on a lot of the items I produce contain a `deliverate mistake` (and I`ll leave you to find the one on here!) but I know in this case that I hadn`t done anything different to what I`d always done to open my Inbox.

So my frustrations gone today, and all`s well.

Computer Frustration

I`m going to have a moan today! I`m fed-up and frustrated.

Strange isn`t it how we`ve come to rely so much on computers and technology?
Until about eighteen months ago, I`d not got onto the Internet, now that I have I use it constantly. It`s so handy to just email messages instead of disturbing people by ringing them up, they can read their mail when they`re ready.
But now I`ve got a problem with it and I can`t solve it, and its getting me more and more frustrated. I just keep going round in circles on it.
What`s the problem? I can`t get into my email inbox.
I sign in, yes and remember the right password, then it gives me a security square to tap in, I do that, and it go back to the log-in one, and round and round and round we go on those two screens and don`t get into my mail. I could scream!! Its so annoying and frustrating, and time wasting. And I don`t know what to do to read my mail.

Now it`s giving me messages, something about cookies - is it hungry? does it want a biscuit?! What does it want to let me get into my mail?

In a shower of rain

As I sit down to write my blog today, there`s a large pigeon sitting on the fence in the garden, and he (or she!) is doing something unusual, or at least something I`ve not seen before.

There`s quite a sharp, heavy shower of rain but, instead of flying away, there he (or she) sits, lifting up its wing and spreading the feathers out letting the water get underneath them, as if enjoying a shower! Then it turned round and did the same with the other wing and spread all its tail feathers out too, before settling down to preen all its feathers. I`ve seen birds in the bird bath before - infact there`s a blackbird in it now, (must be bath day!) and I know our canary likes to splash in a bath (no, not the bath in the bathroom!, a special one that goes on the cage), but I`d not seen a bird having a shower before. It looked to really enjoy it.
I wonder if others have seen birds shower, or is it unusual?

Where locals walk

Having written (and had a moan, yes I do have a grumble now and then!), about visitors to the town yesterday, I go to thinking....
When I go on holiday, am I as bad? Do I wander and stop suddenly when I see something of interest? I suppose it`s because one isn`t tied to be at a certain place at a certain time (unless catching transport), that one feels more at ease to just take things at a more leisurely pace. Must remember to be aware of locals who have to get to work, or from A to B for a reason.

(The way to recognise `locals` here, is they`re either out very early before the grockles are about, or else they`re mostly the ones walking along the edge of the road instead of the pavement. I passed as least 3 like that in 5 minutes at Saturday lunch time!)

Recognising locals

Well, its a Bank Holiday weekend again, and the town was jam-packed with visitors yesterday. Why do they wander and meander all over the pavements, stop dead in front of you, stand in the middle of the pavement to have a gossip, with children and dogs at arms length??

How do you tell who are locals and who are the grockles (visitors),? There`s an easy way!....

Works of Art

I`m not really an art person but yesterday I went to the city and decided to visit an exhibition of religious modern art at the Cathedral there. I was surprised by how long I spent there looking at them and really appreciating them One in particular which at first glance appeared to be nothing but a daub of white paint on a black canvas, the more I looked at it the more I saw. First that the background wasn`t black, it was a very, very dark blue then that the white shape took on the rough shape of a dove with outstretched wings and the edge of the brush stroke at the edges actually gave the appearance of the fine feather edges. The title of it was Pentecost. It was very moving.

Colourful names

Looking again at the paint card, what lovely images some of the names conjure up……

there`s – Blue lagoon, Aqua pool, Wild honeysuckle, Paradise blue, Summer sky,
and a few down to earth ones like – putting green, English forest, Willow tree,

But what makes anyone think of something like Juicy Jade, Sassy, Desire, Atmosphere,
Wellbeing, Winter`s Day, and put a colour to them. What colours would you think they are?

Who has the job of naming all the shades?
Wonder what colours anyone would invent and name, who reads this?

What is White?

What is white?
I always thought white was white.
So how can the paint card/chart (yes, that was where I found all those white`s yesterday), have so many versions of white? Surely they must actually be very, very, very pale tints of the colour they call them – so Violet White must infact be a pale, pale, pale violet and not white? If you put them beside a white piece of paper they don`t look white, so why do they get called white?

Thinking along those lines, do we all see colours the same?
There`s no way of knowing is there?
Or is someone going to baffle me with science?!

Where are the Whites?

I`ve just seen..... Jasmine White, Barley White, Almond white, Orchid White, Rose White, Apricot White, Blossom White, Violet White, Blossom White, Cornflower White, Apple White, Jade White, and Daffodil White.
What was I reading?

Success at last!

It may seem nothing to any of you computer experts who may stumble across and read this blog - but, at long, long last, after weeks of experimenting I`ve at last discovered how to set up a simple spreadsheet to do one of the tasks I need to at work. And, without sounding boastful (or at least I hope I don`t?), I just am plesased with myself that I`ve done it. Using a computer at work, and which had a different system to my home one, and ofcourse no instruction books with it, it was a case of trying all the different combinations of buttons etc.
But, success, I`ve got it!

A Ploughman`s Prayer

Seen by an old plough while out in the country yesterday:

The Ploughman`s Prayer

The King he governs all

The Parson prays for all

The Lawyer pleads for all

The Ploughman pay for all

And feed all.

Pen & Paper

I`m always happy with a pen and piece of paper.

I suppose it’s a throwback to childhood, when to keep one amused on a Sunday afternoon (because one wasn`t allowed to play games or do anything active!) I`d either be told to read a book or given some paper and pencils to keep me occupied and amused. There were so many things you could do with them to pass the time that way – word games, like Hangman, chains of names or items, or noughts and crosses, dots & box game, or just doodling. I was no good at sketching or drawing though, (still aren`t).

So even today if I have time on my hands (which isn`t often), or if I sit waiting for an appointment or anything, I`ll usually have a pen and paper to keep me occupied. Maybe that`s why I like making up quizzes and competitions because I sit and do them with pen and paper.

Probably the computer is the next step from that too, and why I enjoy doing things on here so much. Even if it is writing about nothing in particular, like this!

What Singles need

I came across a line later yesterday which seemed a coincidence after the blog I`d written yesterday. It was `Every single person needs inspiration and guidance`.

So true.

But, to put it in its context, it was in my bible reading notes, and of course the `every single person` referred to wasn’t just single people, but everyone. (at least I assume that`s what they meant). But I wondered why they used that phrase in that way, when it could be read that only single people need that and not couple or families - or perhaps they don`t need it and only us singles do?
Strange language this English, isn`t it?

Families

What is `a family`?
Reading something a friend had written today sent my thoughts along a line of thinking I often get. We so often now-a-days see and hear the phrases - family outing, ideal for families, family worship, family friendly, family service and others...
Do they mean that those events are just for a family i.e. a mother, father and childen?
They sound fine for them, but they make me as a single person feel very excluded. An odd one out. Lonely. That life has passed me by. (And if one goes the same feelings apply when seeing others in pairs or families).
Instead of being inclusive language, it seems very exclusive.

Do birds see us?

How do blackbirds (or any bird for that matter), see us?

It`s something that I wondered this evening as I watched one on the lawn, digging his beak into the ground for worms or insects. He came quite close to me and seemed quite unafraid.

Do we look giants to them?

Or do their eyes magnify so that we look in proportion?

Do they actually `see` in the way we see, or do they just define shapes?

I`m sure that if I was the size of the blackbird and something the size of me (and no, I`m not a heavyweight! or extra tall or wide!) came close I`d be very frightened.

So why aren`t they?

Sense of Direction

I was writing yesterday about how I enjoy driving.

Something that has surprised me since I learnt to drive, which is about 12 years ago now (wish I`d done it sooner), is how it`s greatly improved my sense of direction.

Although I`d lived here all my life I didn`t have any idea how to tell anyone the way to nearby villages or towns, because I didn`t know the roads or the way. I can remember when I was learning to drive in the city, I just followed the Instructors directions, turn right, turn left, straight ahead…etc., and I can remember how I used to think to myself however does he know how to get round here, I`m sure I`ll never manage to find my way as well as drive! But, I now merrily drive round all the country lanes and anywhere. I think its one of the best things I ever did, learning to drive.

Strange places

Going back to what I was writing the other day about stress, and thinking about it. I suppose in a way you could call it a fear of strange places, of unknown places. (is there such a phobia?) It`s almost a sort of feeling of being trapped and of not feeling in charge of what is happening. It`s not driving that worries me, I enjoy that. I`d happily drive anywhere. It`s irrational, and again I suppose it boils down to feeling insecure, self-conscious and lacking confidence. Perhaps that why I like driving, because that does give me confidence.

Why am I writing all this, I suppose to try and help myself to think out what it is that makes me get so worked up about holidays. And then, maybe, hopefully realise how stupid it is – but yet, can one change how one feels and reacts?

My Cathedral

Thinking about the poem which included the lines of being nearer to God in his garden, reminded me too of a favourite Jim Reeves song that I like, which has a similar sentiment…..

My cathedral has a ceiling of blue,
my cathedral `neath the sky
where I may lift up my eyes unto the hills
and hear music from a stream rippling by.

My cathedral has an alter of flowers,
their fragrant incense fills the air.

In my cathedral
I am closer to him than I could be anywhere.

For here I pray in a place so grand
the carpet I kneel on was made by his own hand.

My cathedral has candles lighted by the stars
and mighty pillars of trees.

No other cathedral is so beautiful
for God made my cathedral for me.


(lyrics found on www.sing365.com)

Spring in the Countryside

It was a nice sunny day so we went for a drive along the country lanes. How amazing to see the brown of the hedges from even a week or so ago, now turned to the beautiful fresh green of new growth. The daintyness of pink and white blossom on some of the fruit trees where before there had just been bare twigs. The air was alive with the sound of bird song, and a variety of wild life was to be seen, rabbits, pheasants, partridges, even a squirrel. So much beauty all around. So much new life.

There`s a well known verse that starts along the lines of.... You`re nearer to God`s heart in the garden ..... (the actual wording escapes me, but the meaning`s there, maybe someone will put me right on it).
I think that it could easily be said to be true of the countryside too, when one takes time to look around, and give thanks for it, and feel a sense of closeness there too to the Creator.

Nerves or Stress

Nerves or Stress?.... are they the same thing?
Is stress the `with it`, modern word for nerves?
Whichever it is, I get it badly over certain things, and one of them is starting to affect me now when I think about it, before I even get to the time of it - it`s going on holiday. I`m soon going on holiday for a few days and although I look forward to it and want to go, I get very nervous (or stressed?) about going anywhere and the nerves (stress?) gives me a real physical problem in the form of stomach upsets. It`s embarrassing to admit to, and I try to keep it to myself, but maybe writing this in my blog is someway to confess to it. But how to cope and deal with the stress or nerves is the problem and question.

More Music

As I sit writing this I have a CD of Pan pipes playing quietly in the background. If you read yesterdays blog that might surprise you. But, it`s playing quietly, softly, tunefully. It has no harsh screaming, shouting vocals on it. It`s gentle on the ear, and quite relaxing. Yes, I do enjoy music but, of this type and of gentle light classical pieces too.
I suppose as much as the seemingly tuneless thump of modern music, it’s the way the singer (if you can call them singers!) screams and shouts their way though a few words over and over that grates on me. Whereas this is unobtrusive, apart from getting my fingers tapping in tune to it at times!

It would be an interesting exercise for shops to try this type of music and see if it made the customers linger longer and buy more, instead of rushing to get out of the din!

Thump, thump, thump!.... is it music?

Why it is that wherever one goes now-a-days one is forced to listen to so called music?
Even in the shops and supermarkets pop music is blaring out. Do the staff think everyone wants to think they`re in a disco all day long. Alright, one would expect it in a record shop, but not in a food shop. The sound of the loud thump, thump, thump all the time rather than have a calming effect as music can do, instead sets me right on edge, makes me feel up tight and irritable – which makes me wonder – if it gets me feeling like that, are all the problems with teenagers and youngsters that become hooligans, caused by the music they listen to? Does it stir them up to such a state that they become so aggressive?

More on act of Worship

I`ve been thinking more about the phrase “an act of worship” since reading the comment left on my first one on the subject.
I think my dislike of the phrase was because I was using the interpretation of the word act in the sense of something not real. And to me that was wrong as worship is something real.
It`s something that is important to my life and not just something to be acted at on a superficial level which was the way the phrase had always seemed to me. I realise that worship is an activity involving heart, mind and soul… but body?.... (unless one is clapping, …) how? Or am I again thinking of a word in the wrong way of its meaning?
Notice the use of `was`, I think on this phrase I`ve now been converted!, but not on `lost`.

Strange isn`t it, how one can get a phrase and only look at it one way, and not see other possible meanings.
Think I shall have to study English better!

As I`ve been thinking about flowers a lot these last couple of days, here`s a favourite photo of mine.  

Act of Worship

I wrote the other day that there`s another phrase that I dislike to hear – it`s “an act of worship”.

I always wonder why people say, act of? To me, (and again, I`m probably odd in this!?) an act, means its not something real, so in that sense is the worship real, or is it just an act? Why not just say worship? Or even a time of worship? A play is an act, it`s not real. Worship is something real.
Yet, I know that the word `act` can mean doing something, an action, like an act of kindness. But then doing worship doesn`t sound right either. Worship seems somehow to be something more of a feeling than a physical doing thing – hard to explain in words what I mean. Am I confusing anyone reading this? I`m beginning to confuse myself now that I`m trying to write it into words!

Net Curtains

Writing about net curtains has made me stop and think. Do we all have invisible net curtains around us, stopping people seeing in to the real us; being a defence or a shield? I know I do.

I was in a meeting the other day and was approached by someone who forcefully wanted to get a point across, and did it in an aggressive manner, which immediately put my back up. I suppose it wasn`t just so much what he was saying, but the way he was doing it. But I found myself drawing those net curtains tight around me so that it hid the insecurity I felt, the doubt he was giving me in my ability to do the job right, my vulnerability, my lack of confidence. And so I found myself reacting in an equally wrong manner, as I tried to hide what I was feeling. But yet, that was giving out a wrong impression too of who I really am, how I really am. I worried for ages afterwards about my reaction knowing I`d done the wrong thing, reacted in the wrong way.

Up or Down?

Having taken the curtain down yesterday, (and washed it), I`m now reluctant to put it up again!
I like the open space I can see beside me, but yet I also feel what I suppose it must be like for a fish to be in a fish bowl(!), able to see and be seen.
So should I put it up again for the privacy it gives?
Yet, it`s nice to look out at the garden, and nice to feel the sense of a bigger room, more space.

I am a person who feels claustrophobic and can`t bear to be shut in. I hate lifts. I hate going through tunnels. I can`t sit in a middle of a row of seats, I have to sit on an end. And preferably still, near a door if there is one.

Perhaps I will leave the curtain down for now, and let the light in, and look out at nature.

Bird Watching - Time Wasting

I`ve just taken the net curtain down from the window beside me to wash it – good move or not?....
Instead of getting on with what I should be doing, I now keep looking out at all the starlings pecking about on the lawn. Well, that`s if you can call it a lawn, it`s more moss, dandelions and weeds than grass in places, still it`s green! They are such entertaining birds to watch. Some squabbling over some chips we put out, chasing one another if they think one has something bigger or better then they have. Some not interested in the chips they`re contentedly probing the ground for insects or whatever it is they find down there. Then as if by some signal they all fly up, only to settle a minute of two later and resume what they were doing. Amongst them on the groung there`s a hen blackbird, she`s filling her beak with small pieces of food before flying off, must have some young ones to feed somewhere. So much nature on ones doorstep. I should make time to sit and watch it more often. Maybe need to take net curtains down more often!

Different Relations

It came to me the other day, how many different relations one person can be….
....and how we are different things to different people.

… a daughter,
a mother,
a granny,
a sister,
a wife,
a partner,
an aunt,
a niece,
a mother-in-law,
a cousin….

I, sadly, can only claim to be three of those.

Skip

We`ve recently had a skip outside our house because of the work being done, and it`s been fascinating.
Have you ever watched a skip?

First you get the people casually walking by casting it a sideways glance. And trying to look as if they`re not looking to see what you`ve thrown out.
Then you get them walk by again and give a longer look as they pass.
Next you get the person who stops and stands and looks at it.
And you get those who stop, have a good look in it, and around to see if anyone`s looking at them.
You go to bed at night, and in the morning – what`s that item in the corner? It didn`t come from this house!
Later in the day you look again, where did the watering can you`d put in it go to? or the old crocks?
The next morning – where did those set of wheels come from? They weren`t there last night.
It`s amazing the way things come and go in it, but no-one sees it happen!
Now its gone, what will they do?!

Strength of flowers

Can`t think what to write about today,
so as its spring here are some daffodils.


I was quite concerned about my daffodils last night, as there was a very heavy shower of hail. I expected to see them all flattened to the ground this morning, especially the ones in pots as they`ve gone up very, very tall. But for all their delicate look they must be strong, because they`ve survived, or maybe its because they are flexible and able to give and then spring back?

Isn`t English difficult?

I`ve heard it said that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn. Looking at the comments on my theme of “lost”, I can see how true that is. How one word can mean and imply different things; how the same expression can be thought of differently by different people. And that`s only with one word, there are so many that can be used for more that one purpose, and that’s without learning the different spellings of words that sound the same but are totally different.
(and before anyone wonders, yes, I am English, born and bred but with probably a strong dose of Norfolk too!)
So I think we`ll have to agree to differ on “lost” ?

There`s another expression I dislike too, but more of that another day!

Lost again

A bit more pondering about why I dislike the phrase I wrote about on Friday…..

I know we can feel `lost`without a person, but that`s not exactly what I`m meaning.
“I`ve lost my cat” (no I`ve never had one and don`t want one!)…. but to hear that phrase would mean to me that it had run off, or gone out and got lost, that people would be out looking for it; that it could be possible to find it.
To me anything that`s said to be lost, means there is a possibility of finding it again.
And so I guess that`s another reason why I find using the phrase “I lost……” about a person who`s died, so wrong, we cannot find them again. We know where their grave is (or ashes scattered), so their physical body isn`t lost. We trust that their spirit lives on through faith.
So, how can they be lost?

More about Ducks

Well, I posted this picture of duck late last night (yes, I was burning the midnight oil, for once!), when experimenting to see if at last I could get a photo on to my Blog. And, hurrah, it worked!

Feeding ducks on a pond in a nearby village is something we enjoy and quite often go out to do.
The white one in the picture, we nicknamed Tufty!

What are we having for dinner tomorrow? –
you`ve guessed it -duck!
Yes, we also enjoy eating duck occasionally. But not, I hasten to add, any from the pond. This is strictly from the butchers.
Strange isn`t it, how one can like animals and enjoy seeing them and yet still eat them. And, before anyone suggests it No, I`m not going vegetarian!

Duck feeding time!  

Lost

There are some expressions I just hate to hear used.
I just cringe when I hear “we `lost` Joe or Jim or whoever it is, last year (or whenever)” when people are talking about someone who has died.
To me (and I may be wrong because I`m not good at English or grammar, I just write as I speak!), “lost” is something that`s my fault. I`ve lost an item, or something that belongs to me, because I had it and did something with it, perhaps put it somewhere and lost it – if you follow what I mean.
A person is an individual not belonging literally to anyone. We may be very attached to them, but they don`t belong to us, so how can we lose them?
We can lose the physical presence of them, the friendship, the companionship. We can feel totally at a loss without them. But, we don`t lose the memories, and thoughts of them. So in that sense too, we haven`t lost them, have we?

Wonder if others find the same, or what expressions others cringe at?

Top Brass

It was a hive of activity at the retail outlet, where I work …..
Mops and buckets, dustpans & brushes, cleaning spray and paper roll – all working overtime!
Staff starting work an hour earlier than normal.
Trolleys and cages of goods flying round the shop floor and warehouse.
Packets and tins being moved from here to there, and sometimes back again.
Shelves being filled to capacity.
No cages of cardboard and plastic coverings standing about
Everything taken off the work tops, never seen them so bare.
Extra staff in, tills fully manned (or should I say personed?!).
Staff room spruced up, no clutter there either.

What was the big occasion?....
An executive visit.
It had been said there would be visit by a couple of the “top brass”, the bosses.
Will they even come??
We`ve heard it all before time and time again and no-one has come.
Or is it just a ploy to get things how they should be?

Are Bosses really so naïve that they think the shop always looks like that?
Do they really not know that special efforts are made to impress?

I always maintain that they should just turn up, without warning, to see how things really are. To see the normal everyday life of the business and the conditions the staff have to work in, and the view the customers have of it daily.

And another thought, if we can get things looking good like this, why can`t we always do it and keep it like it??

Looking at Daffodils

Everywhere one goes at this time of year there seems to be daffodils blooming. We had a ride in the country lanes the other day and saw so many on banks outside peoples houses, farms, cottages, and all those people who planted them there for the benefit of passers by more than for themselves,as they couldn`t see them from their homes I`m sure.
If you are one of those people who plant them for others to see and to give pleasure to us, Thank you.

Watching Daffodils

Daffodils

I bought some daffodils at the weekend, I know there`s some in the garden and in pots, but I`m not going to pick them! I`ve been watching them change from standing straight upright, like pencils, to bent over as crooks and then slowly opening into beautiful bring cheerful flowers. So many stages in their lives, just as there are many stages in our lives, and like us they need nurturing and feeding and being cared for to give of their best.

Why Flowers?

I managed to take the daffodils to put on my Dad`s grave this afternoon, and it set me pondering – why do we put flowers on graves?

I know I do it, and it feels right to do it, but why? Why does it feel right?
I know that if I don`t do it, and especially on special days – birthdays; Christmas; Easter; anniversary of the date he died; before going away on holiday etc., I feel as if something`s missing, that I haven`t done something I should do.

I can always remember Dad saying once, about someone he knew who said “you can put a rice pudding on my grave after I`ve gone because I won`t know anything about it. It`s what you do for me now, while I`m here that matters”. And I guess that is very true.

Or is it?
How do we know whether or not they know what we do now somehow. Perhaps putting flowers on are the way of showing we still care, of trying to make up for things not said or done?

Reflecting on Easter Day

Looking back at today - Easter Day

I`ve attended three services today, each one of them different in atmosphere, but each one of them giving a lot of food for thought.

The first one, early this morning, had a very peaceful ambience about it, but at the same time had a powerful message about Easter.

The second one, later in the morning, was a very busy service with a packed congregation. There were a lot of different parts to the service, from a Baptism, to a choir rendition of an anthem (which I didn`t enjoy), to a very interesting sermon which I did find good and helpful. The most moving part of this service, to me, was the privilege of helping with the distribution of the Communion. [I don`t mean privileged in the sense of pride, I mean not feeling a good enough person to do it but being allowed to.] To actually be sharing the bread and wine with people gave somehow an extra depth to the meaning and significance of Communion. To actually pass someone a glass of wine and say “the blood of Christ shed for you”, and to be so aware of what I was saying, was very moving.
I found too, thinking about it afterwards, that I was so totally absorbed in what I was doing that I became unaware of the sounds, of movement, of children/babies murmerings and noises that I had been conscious of during the rest of the service.

The third one, in the evening, had yet another different feel to it. It was quiet, there were few people there, but the singing of the hymns was strong. It had a sermon based on a well known Bible passage for Easter of the walk to Emmaus, but a different emphasis on it to others I`ve heard on the same reading.

I find it interesting, as well as helpful, the way different bible readings can give so many different ways to interpret and look at them.

The weather`s not been good today, its been foggy and then rainy, I couldn`t take flowers up to Dad`s grave, which was disappointing, it`s the first year I`ve missed.
But, it has been a good Easter day

Easter Day

If you read this Blog today

Happy Easter

to

You

A miserable day

No, the title doesn`t refer to my state of mind.
It`s a comment that someone said to me as we walked passed each other on the pavement today. She, ofcourse, was talking about the weather. It is a drizzly, misty, damp, dull grey day. Yet to me the weather seems to suit the day perfectly - the day after Good Friday and before Easter Day. I imagine the day after Good Friday must have been a very miserable day for all the disciples, mother and followers of Jesus. Wonder what the weather was like there on that day, did it match their mood? We are told the sky went black for about three hours, but, what happened after that?

Thinking about it, we talk a lot about the weather, and it can and does seem to affect how we feel and react to things, yet I don`t remember in the Bible (apart from the flood in Genesis), but especially in the life of Jesus, the writers telling us what the weather was like when events in his life took place. [I guess I`m probably wrong, and if so someone can point me in the right direction on that!].
I wonder why they didn`t, was it not important to them?

Good Friday reflections

After a moving Communion service on Maundy Thursday, today`s Good Friday one was equally as thought provoking. They both made me want to sit longer and think about what I had heard, but this morning was also the time to join with others in walking behind a cross. This silent walk (which this year did actually manage to be silent) also gave time for thought.
Passing through shopping streets of people going about their normal everyday business, it came to me that that must also have been the way things were on the first Good Friday. Some would probably have watched the procession, in the way people did today, but how many I wondered were unaware of what was going on then, as now?
The sound of our feet in a narrow street, made me think of the sound of the soldiers taking Jesus carrying his cross to his death.
Hearing the cross hammered into the ground, seemed to take one back to the actually crucifixion of Jesus, when the crowd there must also have heard such a sound.
So many links, so much to think about today, so much to be thankful for.

Building work and News

Our workmen are making progress slowly and should be finished next week. Seeing how long its taken to do just a couple of rooms in a house, has made my thoughts go back to all those affected by the Tsunami disaster and wonder how they are getting on. It`s only three months ago, but one hears nothing about them now. How quickly these things go out of the news and one is left to wonder about the people and how they are coping with rebuilding their homes, villages, towns, and their lives.

Talking about the News, why is it that it seems that ninety nine percent of all news broadcasts are about the sad and bad things that happen in the world? Why does no-one seem to want to tell good news? There must be so many stories of kindnesses done, generosity shown, of the tremendous amount of Good in the world.

Daffodils

I was looking at two daffodils the other day and it set me thinking - they would both die in a few days, maybe one would live longer than the other, but the flowers would both fade and die. But, yet one of them would continue to live after the other was completely dead. Why? -
Because one was in a vase and the other rooted in the ground.
It came to me that faith could be like that.
That I need to be like that bulb planted in the ground, so that my faith is constantly feeding and growing.
(No, I`m not a preacher! far from it!!, but sometimes looking at an everyday item, something comes to me that seems almost as a
"shaft of light".

Blank sheet

Why is it, when I`m not sitting in front of the computer, or when I haven`t pen and paper handy I can think of plenty to write about. Yet, as soon as I sit here with a blank page in front of me, my mind goes blank?
Is it only me that finds that?

Donkeys

In yesterdays Bible reading, one I`ve heard many times before one verse set me puzzling. It`s strange how I can hear familiar readings time and time again and just accept them but then sometimes something, some phrase or verse will catch my attention and make me wonder a bit more about it.

Yesterdays was Matthew 21: 7 "they brought the donkey and the colt, threw their cloaks over them and Jesus got on"......

My mind said - Why did Jesus need two donkeys? Did he ride them both? - if so why? was it because of the distance? Did someone else ride one? Was the colt big enough to be ridden, or was it that it had to stay with its mother?

Or, in this practical side of the story is the writer also trying to say more? Is there a significance to mentioning both the colt and the donkey?, in the way that many bible passages have a deeper meaning.

Dilemma

Should I give up something I`ve been doing over six years, but enjoy doing?
That’s something I`ve been thinking about over the past weeks, since the suggestion was made to me. I felt very upset when it was suggested, then I started questioning myself as to why I felt as I did, why it was important to me?
I`m not a confident person (although I try to appear so), I get very nervous about different things, and there are so many things I can`t do. But this is something I can do, and I suppose in that way it helps to give me confidence. I so often too feel an `odd one out`, at church - not fitting into the category of Wives, too young for the ladies fellowship; at work, still being single, when others are talking about their children, families. So this gives me a purpose, a sense of belonging, of being useful.
I know that I need to be needed.
But maybe that`s the wrong reason for hanging on to doing it?
Maybe I should give someone else the chance.
Yet, aren`t we supposed to use the gifts we have?
Is that perhaps why people leave the church, because after they`ve done something for a while and are willing to continue, they are asked to hand jobs over? So do I carry on, or do I pack up??

Recycling

Recycling – a new idea? - I think not !
I`m not that ancient (!) but I can remember “make do and mend”, in all kinds of ways –
letting down hems clothes so as not to discard and buy new,
sewing on buttons, replacing zips. etc.
Carefully unwrapping Christmas presents so as to save the good parts of the paper to use another year.
Cutting gift tags from cards, saving paper bags to reuse, saving string.
Almost everything was kept for a second purpose.
Dyeing curtains to match a newly decorated room because they were still good.
Buying refills for pens, instead of a new pen.
Taking a shopping basket or bag for the shopping – never expecting to be given bags, which get thrown away.
What a wasteful society we live in today.
Compost heaps were the common item in gardens.

So, is recycling new???

Cliff Walk

I`ve had a long walk along the cliff this afternoon.
What beauty there is “on our own doorsteps” so to speak, if we only look and take time to appreciate it.
The sun was warm, the sea was gently turning over on the stones making its soothing, swishing sound, making it very peaceful. A good way to unwind. Sitting on a bench, my only company was a crow sitting close by on a fence post, he (or she!) too seemed to be just sitting taking in the warmth of the sun, its wings stretched open as if sun-bathing, and not afraid of my presence. In the quietness with no traffic to drown it out the songs of birds, maybe skylarks, could be heard. Sea gulls flew and drifted past on the currents of air, so graceful in the air.
Daisies grew scattered along the path and the ground to the side, what brave flowers they always seem to be, they grow where people tread, get trodden on, but still they survive and come up bright again. Maybe there`s a lesson for us in that? I saw a buttercup or two as well, golden in the sunlight, and a line of a hymn sung as a child came back to me….. “Daisies are our silver, buttercups our gold…” but I can`t remember the rest….. Does anyone know the rest of it?

The Mystery of Dust

Where does dust come from?
I know its tiny, minute particles of something.
Why is it that as soon as you dust somewhere, and leave it all shining clean, when you go back a short time later there`s a fine layer again?
Or, at least in some of our rooms at present there is!
Even when they`ve finished the work and gone,
for days after it seems to keep settling
and every time you turn round there`s another covering.
Does it stay invisible in the air?
Why does it cling to television screens?
Why is it attracted to computer screens?
And how the sun has a way of showing it up,
even on something you think is dust free.

Not alone with a computer

It struck me the other day (no, not literally!), that one is never alone when connected to the Internet and especially with Blogs. Its a good help at times, when feeling lonely, to switch on the computer and log in.

Just to think that at the same moment as I am typing away at my blog here, probably hundreds of people around the world are doing exactly the same at the same second. It may be a different time of day to them, it may be in a different language, but we are all there. We are linked, we have something in common.

They say “it’s a small world”, - looking at the places different blog writers are from, it certainly seems to bring them closer.

Another wall down!

Our house seems constantly to be falling apart!
Don`t get me wrong, we don`t live in a slum….. its just that after the plaster etc all coming off the kitchen walls when the work was done, the same thing has now happened in the bathroom they`re working on. No, it`s not the workmen making work for themselves, the poor chap was very worried when he tapped the wall and all the plaster fell off all over him.
Still, I suppose with living in a house over 100 years old, these things are to be expected.
I keep saying to myself, it will be nice when it`s completed!
It`s all you can say, isn`t it?
But the question is when?

Holiday over

Where did the last seven days go to?!
Why do holidays seem to go twice as quickly as other days? – or is it just me that finds that?

It was back to work today but I found it so difficult to settle down to get on with things. It was hard to concentrate and get on with the jobs. I found myself aimlessly going to and fro for things instead of just sitting down at the computer to do some work. It wasn`t particularly that I didn`t want to be there, but just a kind of odd restlessness. I suppose it was a curtailing of the freedom of the past few days, of having to watch the clock again instead taking time as it came.
I`m back to Time again – strange isn`t it how that seems to be in so much of what I write.
Wonder why?

Thoughts on Time & Tide

To quote again the saying I mentioned yesterday

“Time and tide wait for no man”.

The more I think about that saying the more it makes me realise that we can never have time back, that we must make the most of every moment.
I ask myself, do I do that – do I make the most of every moment?
And I think the answer has to be - no I don`t.
I must do better.

Time & Tide

Time and tide wait for no man…. so the saying goes.
But “Time and Tide” is also the name of a fascinating museum that I went to today at Great Yarmouth. The museum which tells the history and story of the herring fishing industry in the town, also incorporates within it an actual “Row”, (this being the name of the very, very narrow streets in which people lived), and shows their everyday life from around 1913.

It certainly made me think, and realise how hard people had to work and the long hours they did in those days, compared to how we do today, and about the lack of all the safety equipment and regulations which we have now-a-days. How without all the mechanical aids and machines, people worked and talked together far more, and had more sense of community. Some changes for the better, some perhaps not.

Time and tide wait for no man (or woman!), - yes, that saying is so true isn`t it.

If you want to know more about the museum try going to www.24hourmuseum.org.uk and then type in
Time and tide museum and follow it from there.

Survived!

Well, I didn`t get chased by the spiders yesterday, so I can write again today.
But what a load of old rubbish I found in the shed. From rusty nails and screws, broken flower pots to old cooking tins! Why I wonder do we hang on to so many bits and pieces instead of chucking them straight away when we`ve done with them. Does everyone do the same, or is it only us?
I wonder, now that I`ve turned it all out, will it keep tidy or will it get the same again??

Having this new kitchen and new shower room has somehow has seemed like a “new start” to so much. It`s made me look at things, turn out things.
I now feel that this is my home and not the feeling that I had that its my parents house and I just live there. And, with new working hours when I go back after my holiday, maybe it’s a new, better, way of life.

Creepy Crawlies

I`ve got to be brave today.
Why?
Because I`ve got to turn a shed out and I can`t bear creepy crawlies. I know there`s a lot of cobwebs in there, and if the spider, or worse still spiders, that made them are still there I`ll run, I`ll be gone.

Common sense says, but they`re so small compared to the size of you, so why do they have such an effect on me? I suppose spiders being the sort of round shape I never know which is the head end and which way they`ll run and maybe its the colour black?? But it`s not just spiders, although they`re the worst, but any insects I just feet scared of.

Stupid isn`t it?

I`m not really a poetry person, but this is one that I really find helpful at times. So hope it will also be helpful to a friend and other readers

If you stand very still in the heart of a wood.
You will hear many wonderful things -
The snap of a twig and the wind in the trees
And the whirr of invisible wings.

If you stand very still in the turmoil of life
And you wait for the voice from within:
You will be led down the ways of wisdom and peace,
Through a rough world of chaos and din.

If you stand very still and hold on to your faith,
You will get all the help that you ask;
You will draw from the silence the things that you need -
Hope and courage and strength for your task.

Gadgets

Wandering round the shops in the City yesterday, something I enjoy doing occasionally, I found myself in a large kitchenware store.
A cooks paradise!
There were gadgets for this and gadgets for that and gadgets for the other…
But how many of them I wondered were actually useful or how many just gimmacky ideas.
We`ve got several we`ve bought at different times, but on sorting out our kitchen cupboards, they`re still there in the back…unused…or used once and discarded…..
Strange isn`t it, that although we have many gadgets to do all sorts of things, we normally only use just a few favourites

Present problem

What do you buy for a lady`s 86th. birthday?
By now, they`ve more than enough ornaments in the home.
They don`t need gadgets to use in the kitchen.
There`s no more wall space for pictures.
Flowers, although nice, don`t last long.
Chocolates are fattening, and put on weight!
Make up, is never used.
She`s got plenty of "smellies" (scent, soap etc)
Jewellery, she already has enough of.
You can`t keep buying skirts and blouses, it`s too predictable!
So, what shall it be?

Any ideas??

Mothering Sunday

I`ve never been called Mum, or mummy or mother,
I`ve no one to call me that, and days like today I feel very left out, lonely, alone.
I become aware of life somehow passing me by. Of finding the years going by.
I wonder how many other women feel the same way.

Freedom

I`ve just finished work for a weeks holiday.
What a good feeling that is.
I`ve got a sense of lightness, of freedom, of relief.
I suppose it`s probably because its almost six months since I had a weeks break from work. But maybe its because work lately has become, to me, so uninteresting, so monotonous. Yet, the job hasn`t changed much, so it must be me that changed.
I`m just tired of work.
I feel I want to be doing something more useful, something with more purpose.
Still, for now, I`ll enjoy my seven days, and forget about work!

It`s Snowing!

I got up this morning, another ordinary day.
I looked out of the window, everything looked grey.
I looked half an hour later, and snow was falling,
everywhere was being blanketed in white.
Seeing it on the bare branches of trees and shrubs,
transforming them into a picturesque sight,
I thought - how beautiful it all looks.
Yes, I like snow.

But then, it became time to go out in it,
and I began to have second thoughts!
Beautiful as it still looked, I became nervous of walking on it,
afraid of slipping, of falling.
Aware of all the practical problems it causes.
No, perhaps I don`t like snow after all!

Isn`t it strange how one can have such contrasting feelings on the same thing?

I suppose I must be a romantic deep at heart?

Got it!

Yes, it`s here at last!
Our waiting is over.
We`ve got it.
Its fitted in just perfectly.
It looks really good, standing in its place.
Can`t wait to try it out.

What are we talking about?
Our new cooker, it arrived today.
Now the kitchen looks complete (well apart from a little painting that needs to be done).
What shall we make first?
Cakes, scones, a roast lunch, a pie????
but, got to read the instruction book first it says,
so, as with everything we must
“follow the makers instructions”.

Should it go or stay?

Sorting out all the things we`d taken out of our kitchen cupboards, to put them back in the new cupboards, I found utensils and items that hadn`t "seen the light of day" for years!
But, the question was, should I discard them or should I keep them "just incase"! ? On the other hand, if we`ve not used them in at least the last 5 years, why do I think we`ll use them in the future? So should I part with them or should I hold on to them, maybe for sentimental reasons with some of them. Yet, what`s sentimental about an old saucepan!?
No, if we`re having (or I should say, have got) a new kitchen its really time to have a new start and get rid of those things that we never use isn`t it?

Or is it?

Fair to all?

Reading in the newspaper yesterday about the Government thinking of extending flexible working rights to carers and parents of older children, makes me want to ask, - what about extending better considerations and working rights for people living with an elderly parent. They can be as demanding as young children at times, but nothing seems to be available for them!

Sweet papers

Writing about the stained glass window yesterday, set me wondering - when did I first find the interest in looking at them, what first fascinated me about them.

And. a childhood memory came back to me, a lot of sweets, like Roses, used to be wrapped first in a piece of silver paper, then in an outer transparent coloured sheet. As a child I can remember my Dad giving me the coloured sheets to look through, to look at various objects through, or to hold up to the sky to look through.
Maybe that`s where it started from.

I wonder how many others remember doing that?

Fascinating windows

I love stained glass windows.
I can sit and look at them for hours!
Looking at one this morning with the sun streaming through it, making bright colours on the floor it set me thinking…. what a difference light makes to a window.
On a dull day its just plain, but on a bright day like today the window really comes to life, it becomes bright and vibrant. Is that how we are when we know the love of God, do we become alive and show it?
When it’s dark outside, the window from the inside looks dark and uninteresting, yet with the light on the inside it becomes a thing of beauty on the outside.

Who`s cooking?

Watching a cooking programme on TV started me thinking….
who really prepares all the items for his use, does he actually do the shopping, then peel, slice, chop, weigh out everything himself or is it all done for him?
It’s a very deceiving way of making cooking look easy, when you just put the ingredients together without having to prepare them first, which is the time consuming thing.
And, who washes up all those numerous containers that held the ingredients and all the pots and pans and utensils used?!

New Kitchen - New Life

A new kitchen - A new life -
that`s how it seems to be feeling to me.
It seems in so many ways a fresh start to a new way of living.
Maybe that sounds odd?
Maybe its just that its coincided with my thinking on time and priorities and responsibilites, and with the changes I`ve decided (been led?) to make. And which I feel better for having decided to do.

(Well, we`ve almost got the new kitchen, except they sent the wrong cooker so we`ve to wait a few more weeks for the right one! And I`ve still to decided what`s going where in the cupboards!!)

Who wants to buy it?

Driving along this afternoon, I saw a most unusual thing for sale. I was passing a place which had a few cars for sale, and, in the middle of the row of cars, with a big For Sale notice on it was a Fire Engine!

What, I wondered, would anyone want to buy a fire engine for?
Couldn`t very well go out for a Sunday afternoon ride in one!,
Might be a novel way of getting to work quickly though! - now there`s an idea!

--------------

If you`re still puzzling over the Odd one out of last week -
the answer is the Oblong.
All the other shapes are used on Bank Notes to make them easily recognisable by partially sighted people.
e.g. £5 has a circle, £50 a triangle etc...

Delicate strength

I`ve been looking at snow softly falling today.
It`s so beautiful.
Each flake on its own, so delicate and fragile.

Yet, isn`t it amazing how something so small and soft has such power and strength when all together.

Knowing people

Reading several tributes today about people who have died, got me thinking….

Isn`t it sad that we have to wait until people die, to learn about them by reading about their obituaries. People who we just see week by week, yet really know very little about. And about what`s shaped them them into the person they are. The interesting job/s they may have done, or achievements they`ve attained.

Is there a lesson there for us?
Should we talk to people more?
Yet, perhaps people want to remain private and keep things to themselves?
How do we know whether to ask or remain silent?

Decision made!

My thinking and pondering about Time over the past weeks has finally led me to action! I`ve decided to cut a few hours off my working week and I`ve told the boss of my intention.
I feel that`s what I was being led to do, and I feel a sense of `lightness` for having made the decision.
Some words yesterday also struck a chord with me:
"Leaving all behind us,
may we hasten on,
backward never looking...."

My Dad

I`m in a sentimental kind of mood, have been all this month really, so I`m going to indulge myself and write about my Dad. Why? I suppose because I don`t want him to be forgotten. I don`t mean that I shall ever forget him, I`ll never do that, but because it`s so easy for people to kind of disappear once they`ve died, isn`t it.

One distinctive thing about Dad was that he always wore a suit, for Sundays, for work, for holidays, at home, absolutely all the time, he never wanted or had any casual clothes. And he`d always wear a trilby hat, when out whatever the weather, even on the hottest day. We used to say to him “you don`t want that on today”, but he`d not take any notice, he`d not even go out without his jacket on.

He came from a fishing family, but didn`t go to sea for his living because his father had told him there was no living to be had from it in the coming years, so he went into a gents outfitting shop, where he worked until he retired. He could have become manager, but that wasn`t for him. He wasn`t that type of person. When he became forced through circumstances to be in charge of the shop, he would only accept it as being an `acting manager`.

His spare time used to be spent looking after the garden, although as he used to say he didn`t really like gardening but did it because it was there! The back garden he used to grow vegetables for us although he never ate vegetables himself. I used to enjoy spending time out there with him, especially around Easter time when on Good Friday we always used to set potatoes, carrots, beetroot etc.,

I always loved doing things with him and seemed to share much in common with him. He was also good as scheming and making things from cardboard and made me lots of folders and different things, or else we`d work together on doing them. I also learnt to do dressmaking from him. (something I`ve not done since he died, I haven`t the heart to somehow) How I enjoyed my times with him.
I can remember childhood holidays at Lowestoft, on the beach (still in his suit!), he would help me make houses in the sand. (yes, houses, not castles!). and I can remember on Sunday afternoons when very young, sitting on his lap by the fire and he`d read to me, one of the favourite books being Heidi.

He always went to church on Sundays and was a Sidesman for many, many years. A lot of Sunday evenings we would sing hymns together with mother playing the piano. Some of them he`d sing with a strong Norfolk accent, and when I hear certain hymns today, I can still "hear" him singing them in that way. I think his faith meant a lot to him although he never talked about it.
He was quite a reserved, quiet person, with a sense of humour.
He was always there, and life seem safe and secure with him.

Work

I suppose we all get times like it, but at the moment I`m finding work so uninteresting.
I just feel that I just don`t want to be there.
I`ve just got no interest in it.
Since my work changed on to computer (and I love doing things on computers, so in that sense it`s not the reason),. but now I just imput data and it tells me if the figures balance. Before, I had to work that out for myself. Maybe that`s partly why its so boring now, because the computer takes away the need to think and work things out for oneself.
I feel that I need something more stimulating.
Perhaps that`s why the things I do in my spare time are more important to me, because they do make me think, and are varied and interesting.

Wish it was time to retire!
I know they say “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”, but I`d just like to try that other side of the fence!

Odd One Out

I enjoy compiling quizzes and competitions,
so here is a puzzle for you today.....

Which is the odd one out?
Why?,
What do the others have in common?

Square, Oblong, Circle, Triangle, Diamond

I should perhaps say -
What useful purpose do the others have?

Which Room?

Which, I wonder, would you class the most important room in the house?
Which would be the worst to be without?

Perhaps the lounge?
Or, the bathroom?
Maybe, the bedroom?
Or, the dining room?
Possibly the study?
Or, would it be the kitchen?

Having been without the use of a kitchen for the last couple of weeks, I`d definitely say it’s the kitchen.
I`d not realised how much it`s used,
nor how many things were in the cupboards,
that had to come out and be kept somewhere!

I guess its like everything – one takes it for granted,
until its not there!

Thoughts on a game

Chasing a table tennis ball across the floor the other evening, sent my questioning thoughts in all directions too!
... What made someone first think of hitting a round object with a bit of wood??!
…. Who first had the idea of playing table-tennis?
…. Which came first, the game or the bats and/or balls?
…. Who decided what size the table should be?
or what shape the bats should be?
and what colour and size the ball should be?
and how the high the net should be?
And Why??
… Who decided on the scoring system?
… What year was it first played? and where?
… Is it still played exactly as it was, or has it evolved?

I suppose, the same questions could be asked of any game.

Strange isn`t it, how one question leads to another, when one starts thinking about something.

Writing`s different

Something that struck me the other day, (no, not physically!), was the fact that at school we were (are?) all taught to write the twenty six letters in our alphabet in the same way.
I can remember writing row after row of each letter, copied from the blackboard, as did everyone else in the class, until we got them right, and the same.
So why is our writing all different from each other? Some people`s so neat and precise, others looking as if a spider has crawled across the page, some very legible, others like a secret code! Is it the pace of life some of us live at, having to scribble things down quickly, whilst others have time to form their letters properly?
Is handwriting becoming a dying art, with the use of computers?

Where are the birds?

Well, I didn`t walk along by the sea today,
the wind`s blowing a gale.
That set me wondering,
what happens to all the birds when the wind is as strong as that? Not just the sea gulls but all the birds, particularly the small ones, like the robin and blue-tits we usually have in the garden. I haven`t seen any in the garden when I`ve looked out today. With the way the trees and bushes are blowing about, where do they find a safe shelter?

Giving up

It`s the start of Lent, when traditionally one gives up something.
So, what to give up?

Well, one thing I know I`m not giving up for Lent is this Blog!
I find it enormously helpful writing down my thoughts and sometimes my feelings too. It`s helped me somehow to dig down and find out things about myself by just letting my fingers run on the keyboard with what`s on my mind, or with what comes back to my memory as I type.
And, I think I am changing too through what I`m discovering. So maybe what I`m giving up this Lent is some of my old ways and the old embittered feelings I have over some situations, and instead working positively to improve them. To help those close to me as well as myself.

Walking by the Sea

Walking along by the sea today, something I`ve had a chance to do each lunch time this week, what a difference in the sea. All week it had been just gently lapping on the sand but today what a contrast.
From the tranquil blue of previous days it had changed to an angry grey.
Today there were waves, really rolling and breaking, making quite a roar as they broke on the stones and rocks.

It set me thinking how Life can so often seem like that sea.
Ever changing.

Coincidences?

Following on from the thoughts that I`ve been having on “time” over the past weeks, I think now that they were leading me somewhere - and that is to whether I should make changes to my working hours.
It almost seemed a coincidence to overhear yesterday someone at work saying that the wage costs are over what they should be. Maybe that is a pointer to me to follow my feelings and thoughts.

Reading my daily devotional notes today they were about trusting God for the unknown, maybe that too is speaking to me. Not that I`m going anywhere! Nor am I going to make major changes in what I do, but to change slightly a pattern and way of life. And to fulfil a promise I made to my Dad, which until recently I`d not consciously thought about, but which has now suddenly come back to me too.

I also came across this in some cuttings I was looking through...
God give me the strength
to change the things that need changing,
the patience to accept those which
cannot be changed,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Is it conincidence to come across all these references to making change, I wonder?

Microwaving`s a mystery

Is it only me, or are there others who just can`t cook with a microwave? Even something simple, nothing complicated!

I`ve just tried for the umpteenth time to do a simple Baked potato, and it just comes out ughh! I`ve tried longer times, shorter times, small potatoes, medium potatoes, big potatoes. Yes, I`ve pricked them first, followed all the instructions in the books, but they still come out with shrunken skins, slimy soft flesh and crispy crystals of flesh in the centres.

Where am I going wrong?

What is Life?

Does there come a time (or even more than one), in ones life when one stops to think
"What`s life really all about?"
"Where`s my life going?"
"Should I be doing differently to what I am?"

That seems to be what I`m doing at the moment,
and I feel as if I`m being "led" to make some changes.

But, how do I know if I`ll be doing the right thing?

I suppose one can`t really know, but must trust.

Nature`s lesson?

Walking past some gardens today, as I do so often, something caught my attention. I`ve walked past the bare brown branches of these shrubs for weeks, and barely noticed them, yet today something made me look closer. There on the twigs were the tiniest green buds, very small as yet, but a sign of life.
What I had taken to be dead, was infact alive.
What lesson was nature teaching me, by making me aware of that today I wondered.

A difficult day

Can`t think what to write today.
It`s been a stressful day at work,
one of those days when nothing goes right.

But I ask myself, what causes the stress -
myself? or others? or even machines! ?

Why can`t functions keys on calculators
all be in the same place on every model
in the way that querty keyboards are?

Why, when one is snowed under with work
for a deadline, do others around seem more
demanding in their wants?

Still, I suppose if I`m asking myself the questions
as to what causes it, maybe I can find the answers too!

Marsh Walk

Walking along a path over the salt marshes this afternoon I became very aware of the beauty of nature all around me. It was very quiet, just a wide expanse of creeks, muddy banks, reed beds.

I caught a glimpse of a flash of yellow. I stopped to look and saw about 15 goldfinches, pecking about on the bank, then they flew a few feet along keeping together, then another bird gave what sounded like a warning cry and the goldfinches flew off together again. It was the first time I`d ever seen more than 2 or 3 together. Futher along there were a few oystercatchers wading and probing in the mud. Various calls of different birds could be heard, but to see them was a different matter!

I turned and walked back, the breeze had turned cooler now, it was quite a bracing walk.
Several skeins of geese in their traditional V formation flew overhead. Where were they going I wondered. How do they know where to go when they migrate? What makes them decide to fly and decide which one is going to be the head of the V leading the way?

Nature gives us so many questions, so much beauty, so much to thank God for.

Memory Test

I`ve surprised myself!
I`ve just done the Great British Memory test which was on TV, and I passed with the required 60% !
I enjoy doing IQ tests and usually do well in them, but memory I wasn`t so sure about. So I`m very pleased with that result.

Waves

I`ve just been walking along by the sea,
its really peaceful down there,
nobody about, just the seagulls and me,
the sea just making a gentle sound
as the waves turn over on the stones.

Somehow, standing looking at the waves and listening to the sound of them helps me think.
It`s one constant thing in life, the tides ebb and flow daily, sometimes rough, sometimes calm. It`s the same sea that my family must have looked at for generations. I wonder to myself, did they too draw inspiration and help from it.
Strange how when I`ve got something on my mind I find myself standing looking out at the sea.

Time or Money?

That`s the question I keep asking myself today.
What`s more valuable?

A big lesson I learnt those 13 years ago is that
one should make the most of every monent they have.
And I ask myself, am I doing that now.

I suppose I`m still reflecting on time and the speed
it seems to be passing me by.
And the way we`re all getting older.
Money, as I said the other day is essential to living,
but Time is valuable too.
It needs to be finely balanced.
Maybe I need to get the balance right.
Maybe I don`t need to go to work for so many hours.

The Power of Flowers

Coming away from putting flowers on my Dad`s grave yesterday afternoon something white caught my eye in the grass on the path in front of my foot. It was only about a quarter of an inch in size.
I bent down for a closer look and found it was a tiny beautifully formed snowdrop, less than an inch tall.
Looking round I saw there were more and there were daisies too. So tiny all these flowers, yet they`d had the strength to push their way through the hard earth, and up to the light. They took the risk of being stood on and broken, but they still grew there.
Somehow that small snowdrop spoke to me. (not in the literal sense!)
It lightened my spirits.

Memories

Thirteen years ago about this time on this day, (by the date), I received the worse news of my life - my Dad had died. I know I`d been expecting it, he`d been ill for a few weeks, but I`d only been to seen him the night before, just a few hours really since I`d left him in the hospital bed, and said I`ll see you again on Sunday. I prayed so hard that night for God to ease Dad`s suffering and take him if he would. Yet, I still feel so much guilt about it, about things I should have said to Dad, and didn`t. I just hope he did know how much I loved him.
I remember my `mother saying to me, you won`t go to work this morning will you`it felt a a very hurtful thing to say, as if I could go to work as normal. I remember relatives coming to the house when they knew, just sitting there, talking as if nothing had happened, talking about the curtains, when we`d got them, where etc., and I wanted to scream at them my Dad`s just died what matters about the curtains. But I didn`t. As always I kept things to myself, if was too painful to talk about.
I still miss him awfully, still regret so much. I don`t know if he knew how ill he was, the doctor had told me, but not them, so I had to keep it to myself during those months, and that I suppose made me avoid spending as much time with him as I wanted to for fear that I`d let slip what I knew, but did that make Dad feel I didn`t care about him? that still worries me.