Friday, June 27, 2008


After serveral more phone calls yesterday, and stressing the urgency of the need, I got a phone call back from the Social Services at tea time to say, they`d found a place for Mum for respite care for a fortnight (to start with).

But.... it`s in a small village about a half-hours drive away. Now, Mum I know wanted somewhere in the town where she lives, which is understandable, but on asking they said they`d tried over 12 different places. I accepted what they offered.
So the difficulty was how to tell her! Evenutally, I think she accepted it.

The difficult bit could now well be when it comes to take her there this afternoon. I`m getting quite knotted up inside already with the thoughts that she might change her mind and not decide to go when it comes down to it. Yet, she (and I) need her to, and after all the work they`ve done to find somewhere, we must take it up.

Thursday, June 26, 2008


Following on from what happened yesterday, I feel I just can`t take any more. So in a way it was quite a traumatic day, as first we waited for the doctor to come to see my parent, sometime between 12 and 3 I was told when I rang up. So, as I wanted to be there when they came I took time off work.

What time did the doctor arrive 5 to 3. She asked us both lots of questions, asked Mum to show her how she did walk... so up gets Mum, and walks better and quicker (well quicker for her) than she has for weeks!... Was I mad! Anyway on insistence on my part that I felt Mum should go into a home for respite care, she (yes, it was a lady doctor) told me to ring Social services, which I did.

A very nice person answered the phone, asked a lot more questions tried to connect me to the right departments, was unable to, so said they`d ring me back. It got to 5p.m - no phone call, so thinking they would be finishing work about then, I rang again, but was assured that no, someone would definitely ring me.

About 7p.m. the phone call came. More questions. And, the outcome.... they`re going to pass it today to District Assessment and someone is going to ring me!

I await developments.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Did I hear a voice?

It was just gone 5 a.m. and I awoke from a deep sleep thinking am I dreaming or did I hear a voice.

I got out of bed to investigate.... and there`s my mother on the floor in her bedroom, she`d fallen again. Well, I say on the floor she was on her knees on the floor having fell that way and unable to get up. Again I couldn`t lift her. So again I had to make a 999 call. Thankfully the crew arrived in very quick time, and eventually between them they got her up.

It really worries me, having her living with me like that and likely to fall at any time. I feel that the time has come when she ought to be in a home where she can be cared for and have trained people on call. But, can I convince her of that, for her safety and good as well as for mine and my peace of mind?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

A Stoney Fish

A fishy work of art!
I saw this while I was on holiday recently, and was captivated to stand and look at it to take in all the details. It was, as you`ll see below, part of a much larger piece of artwork, the whole thing really fascinating. So detailed and intricate.

How I`d love to have something like it in my garden (albeit on a smaller scale)!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Catching up

Gosh, where has this week gone to? It`s Friday already and I`ve only found time to write one post this week. And, I`ve not had time to read many blogs either, so will catch up on them next week (hopefully) after an event I`m working for at the weekend is over.

Isn`t it strange how throughout the years, you can go weeks with no special events to work for and plan for, yet when they do come they come within weeks of each other. Bad planning I suppose you might say, but when they`re things that have to be on certain dates there`s no way of getting around it.

Still, at the moment I`m feeling quite calm about it all.

One "strange" coincidence happened this week. I was talking to some friends who were helping me with a job and seeing a name of a lady on some paperwork we were doing asked if she was the wife of a man they knew. On further discussion it turned out that she wasn`t, although she had the same hobby as the other lady.

Later that evening I had a phone call from another lady who was going to take part in the event next month for us, to say she was very sorry but she had been in hospital and been told that she mustn`t do anything. Now, at this stage I could have panicked - but on putting the phone down I recalled the conversation in the afternoon with my friends, so I rang them to ask if they could ask the lady they knew if she would like to take part. And... the result was - Yes, she would like to.

It somehow seemed as if it was "meant to be". Was it a coincidence? or what?!

Monday, June 16, 2008


I`m home again, having had a wonderfully relaxing holiday. Now it`s back to - no, I`m not going to say reality - I`ll say back to routine, to not being my own person. Last week, I was ME. An adult with other adults, doing things at normal speed, going out, walking at normal speed, untied. Now, its back to being a "mother and child" feeling, somehow not a person in my own right (at home anyway, not at work, that`s different again). How I wish I`d moved out years ago and become my own person.

Last week seemed more like reality than this does. I felt more at home there than I do in my own home with my parent being here all the while. I just felt so accepted as I was.

It`s very hard to put into words exactly what I mean, and this might read as a load of senseless words, but I know what I mean!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A Walk in the Park

Enjoying a walk round a large lake in a park today, we came across these beautiful swans with their two cygnets. The (I assume) male one on the left was very protective of his family, and as we went to go down some steps on to the path, he got up and started walking towards us, as if to say you`re not to come any further, I`ve got babies here. And, so, knowing how strong such a bird could be, we retreated and joined the path a bit further on where I managed to turn around to capture this photo after he`d settled down beside his family having seen the "danger" off.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

An Evening Stroll

The sun shone all day yesterday, and what more perfect way of ending the day than enjoying an evening stroll along the promenade with a friend. How beautiful the sun beginning to go down over the sea was. The silver path it was creating across the water and the rivulets of water on the sand.

But, what a sad sight too was this beautiful ship that had run aground earlier in the year and was lying on its side stuck in the sand.

It is hard to show how huge it is, and it really does make one stand in awe and wonder at the strengh and power of waves and water.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Today`s the Day

In under an hours time, I should be on my way. The start of my holiday. I think I finally got things sorted so that my mother cannot put any more obstacles in the way. My aunt is kindly coming up to sleep here, so Mum`s not on her own at night.

The only problem getting away this morning, is that it`s a bit of a misty, foggy morning here - so... you can imagine what my parent goings to say about me driving with it like that! The weathermen say it will brighten up, so I`m not over bothered about it.

I had a day full of "nervous energy" yesterday, doing this and that, and all sorts of bits. I couldn`t settle down. I`m a bit that way this morning too. I always hate the day before a holiday because, for some reason, I think I must do this, I must do that, I must get that ready,.....etc....etc..... Yet, a lot of those things could be left until I come back. Why, I wonder is it that I do that, or are others the same? Yet, too I think keeping busy stops me thinking and getting nervous myself about the holiday.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Party Time

I`m not really very much of a party person. No, that`s wrong.. I should say I`m not a party person at all. I don`t enjoy them at all. But the other week I received an invitation to a relatives Golden Wedding Party. Not having many relations, I felt that I really couldn`t say no.

Opening the invitation envelope and unfolding the sheet, I read it, and then read it again to see if I`d read it right. A very unusual venue for an big Celebration like a 50th. Wedding Anniversary I thought.

No, it wasn`t a large hotel,

nor even a small hotel.

Not a big posh restaurant,

not Chinese, Indian, Thai, nor any other kind of weird foreign food that I won`t eat.

So, last Saturday night, off we went, there were about thirty people there, ok, not a large party, but I still felt very much, as always, an odd one out. The place had not made any attempt to put tables together and a lot of us sat (me included) with our backs to each other. All I could face was a wall and an elderly person I didn`t know opposite me. We were a table of six people and of the other at least 4 of them were well over 80, well, nearer 90 than 80! So that made for a really scintillating evening! (I don`t think). As soon as I could decently make a get-away I did.

The food was nice.

Where were we?...... the local fish and chip shop down a side road!

Sunday, June 01, 2008


Sorry to anyone who`s come here for a cheerful bright read, but today I`m not feeling in the mood to do that, infact that`s why I haven`t posted much lately. I`ve just got such a problem on my mind that`s making me feel torn in two that I`m going to have to write about it here.

This time next week, I should be off on a week`s holiday on my own to some friends - a break that I can badly do with. But the great problem is my parent. It`s not just the holiday situation that is the issue, but it has enlarged it.

My parent is becoming increasingly less mobile and less able to do things, even everyday things for living, like lifting a kettle, getting plates etc off even the low shelf in the cupboard etc..etc. She is very unsteady on her feet and losing her confidence in even walking a few steps, indoors as well as out.

I am feeling it too much of a responsibility on my own, and hard as this may sound I`d like to get her into a home to be looked after. But...having tried to mention it to her..... well, you can imagine the reaction, can`t you?! It`s "you don`t want me" *you want to get rid of me" ^you wish I was dead".

I`m just feeling so torn - torn between wanting a life of my own, before I`m old and decrepit to enjoy it and to make some friends and the responsibility of her. It`s getting me down and I feel so alone.