Sunday, January 16, 2005

Impacts from Upbringing

Thinking about the loneliness I noted the other day, I guess I`ve found some of the Why`s....
.... I`m a shy person, I don`t find it easy to make conversation with people, wish I did - its easy to think afterwards I should have said this or that, by then its too late.

I was brought up to be "seen and not heard" and I suppose thats whats inhibited me from feeling able to participate in friendships and relationships. I was taught `you don`t ask people questions` type thing, so I`m afraid to say things like "how`s your family?" "how was your holiday?, what did you do, what did you see...." and all that type of thing, that shows interest and care about another, and makes friends.

I guess I must have been rebuffed when I was younger and tried it -
I can remember round a dinner table once with all relations (adult) and they were all laughing at something, I joined in laughing although I didn`t really know what they were laughing about, and an Uncle turned on me and said "what are you laughing for" in the tone that said it`s nothing to do with you. That I think has made me afraid ever since to try and join in things for fear of being put down, of not belonging.

Its not that I`m not interested in other people, but I am afraid of being thought intrusive.
But I don`t know the answer to how to break the shyness and reserve I have,
and I wish I did.

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