Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Roller Coaster day

What a roller-coaster of a day yesterday was for us. I`ve not been on a roller-coaster in my life, but I understood yesterday how people can describe feelings and emotions as being on one. Up and down and up and down and up and......

Meeting the Social Services worker yesterday, she was pushing for Mum to come home again after the 2 weeks respite care. I know that I can`t cope with her needs if she was at home, and she is worried about being here particularly at nights. (Infact, having spoken to a church friend, who had been to visit her in the home, before I went to the home, she said that Mum was accepting the fact that she needed care.) I said that she needed to be cared for, and Mum herself agreed, but No, said the S.S.Worker, that`s the last resort, I can`t put her forward to the committee for that until we`ve tried everything else.

So, (to cut a long story short), I had to say to the S.S.Person, that I`m not having Mum home. It was hard. I wept. Tears came I think from a mixture of emotions, because I felt so hard having to say that; I felt inadequate that I couldn`t care for her; that I wanted the best for her..... and that they didn`t seem to be willing to give me the help we both needed.

Then the S.S.Worker said after the fortnight Mum might be moved to a home in a town even further away and Mum got upset at that. And I don`t blame her. Whilst friends might at a pinch drive a 30 minute drive to see her, I can`t imagine them doing a 40-50 minute one just to visit. She`d feel so cut off.

Eventually, S.S.Person suggested another idea, that we look at a place where they each have an individual "flatlet" and look after themselves as much or little as they can and help is always on hand to do the things they can`t. This place being about 5-10 minutes away from home. That was a better suggestion. So in the afternoon I took Mum to see it. She fell in love with it at first sight!, its a good modern purpose built building, with everything on site. Nice size living/kitchen room, bedroom and bathroom. It would mean she could take her own furniture, have her own phone... etc., be as independent as she wanted yet within a caring community.

But, it`s not cut and dried, because although we`ve said Yes it would be ideal and we`d like it, it now has to go to a panel of people to decide on Friday. Talking to the person who showed us around, there are 3 free flatlets - but we don`t know how many are on the waiting list for them.

We just wait in hope.

Tomorrow, I`ll try and give you a more cheerful and bright blog entry!


Z said...

It's all wrong, that you were put through that. If you, having cared for your mother all this time, said that you couldn't manage any more, that should have been enough, and to suggest a further away place before the much better option is a form of bullying.

I hope this works out, but if not I think that you should not see the SS (appropriate initials) alone again, but have a supportive friend with you. Not that you didn't stand up for yourself, but so that you wouldn't have to.

lorna (see throughfaith) said...

sorry you went through that - but I really commend you on your bravery and standing firm (even though it was tough emotionally to do so)

you have provided wonderful care for your mum for as long as you were able - hold your head up high. She's blessed to have you as her daughter - and she'll love the new flat! (read that she got it - yippee!!)