New House!

I`ve got a new house!......

No, I`ve not moved, I`ve just had my hall, staircase and landing redecorated and a bit of dismantling done.

Our staircase when I was a child had bannisters, and I have memories of sitting on the stairs, with all my dolls and teddy on different stairs, when my mother was hoovering in the hall, and pretending we were in a train looking out of the gaps in the bannisters as the windows, the sound of the hoover being the engine
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Anyway - during the 1960`s my mother decided she was tired of keep having to dust all the fiddly fancy bannister posts and rails and we had a handiman come and box the whole thing in with sheets of hardboard and then it was painted.   Looked very solid, and I didn`t like it.

So, now having the house to myself, I decided it was time those awful sheets of hardboard came off.  And what a difference it`s made to the the house.   It`s given it a whole new feel and made it seem so much bigger, brighter and lighter as one comes in the front door.

What`s in an empty office?

Well, it was back to work yesterday after my weeks holiday.   Work wasn`t bad, but at one point in the morning I got a real fright!

Running out of staples I went upstairs to the office at the back of the building, which had been vacated some time ago and left empty, as I knew there were unneeded stationery items there.   I easily found what I wanted and returned down to my own office and continued working.

Later in the morning, needing to find an old personnel file, I again went up to the next floor, but this time to the unused office at the front of the building.   On opening the door something large whirred around me, making me jump.  (this office too had been unused for months and just occasionally I had need to enter it).  Once I got over being startled, I looked around and there was a pigeon.  

I quickly shut the door so that it didn`t get loose in the whole of the building,  thankful that I like birds and am not afraid of them flying round in the way that many people are.  How had it got there?   Looking across at the window, which had roller blinds pulled right down to the window sill and quite tight against the window, I spotted that one of the sash windows was open about 12 inches from the top.  Obviously that was how the bird had got in, but yet, the blinds were close to the window, so quite how he (or she) had managed it I`m not sure.

It was obvious from the state of the "little messages!" that the bird had been leaving all over the chairs, desk, filing cabinet, floor etc., that it had been in the for quite some time.   Poor little thing!

By now the bird had quietened down and was sitting perched on the edge of the filing cabinet watching me,  I went over to the window and pulled up the blind of the opened window.   After a minute or so the bird flew and perched on the top of the open window beside me then with a flap of its wings sped off out into the world again.   I wonder what tales he/she will tell the other pigeons of its adventure.

I`m just so glad that I had reason to go up into that room.   I`ll now make sure I check up there more often - just incase it decides to come back.

In the Bird House

What do you expect to find in a bird house?

..... birds.....

Well......

......look again at this one which I saw the other day

More Snowdrops

I took so many photos of the snowdrops on my walk that I thought I`d share a few more with you all.   To me they are such a beautiful flower and one of my favourites.   I marvel at the way something so small and fragile looking can struggle through the earth at this time of year and withstand the cold, frost and all that the climate gives it at this time of year. 

Looking closely at the snowdrops, there were many different kinds too- like this one with the lovely green petals and shading, which one couldn`t see unless you gently lifted its head - or as in this case, put the camera underneath it!

This to me was a good sign of new life among the old, with the fallen and decaying tree trunk and the fresh new snowdrops.   So encouraging, so hopeful.

A Walk in Springtime

Come, enjoy the walk that I enjoyed on Friday afternoon.....

No, that`s not snow on the ground, its a carpet of snowdrops

Amongst the snowdrops were some yellow aconites

Everywhere I looked there were the dainty white snowdrops, hundreds of thousands of beautiful blooms

The sun was out and it was a really beautiful peaceful afternoon

Being Watched

Sitting at my office desk yesterday, alone in the office, I got the feeling that I was being watched.   Now, I hasten to add, my office is on the first floor of a buiding, up 17 steps.  There were no workmen working on the building, and we do not have a window cleaner.

I looked across to the big bay window, and at first couldn`t see what was making me feel that someone was watching me.  Then, looking down to the bottom of the left hand side of the bay window, I spotted it.   There, standing with it`s head up tall right against the window peering in from the window ledge was  - a pigeon, looking right at me.

I sat and looked at it, wondering what it was thinking as it stood there looking in.    Did it want to come in?  Did it wonder what I was doing?   Did it wonder what all the things in the room were, so different to its ouside world?   Was it hungry, or looking for somewhere to nest?   What could it actually see, I wondered? 

After quite a few minutes of looking at each other, it flew off, and I went back to my work.   

I wonder if it will come to visit me again?!

A sign of spring

A friend brought me this lovely bunch of tulips yesterday.  Aren`t they a beautiful colour.

I carefully pierced through the stems, just under the flower, with a pin before putting them in the vase as I`m told that helps them to keep up straight and not flop over.   Will see what happens.   It`s working so far.

Black & Blue

I`ve just realised, its a week since I wrote a post here.   I`ve been back to work this week.  I feel better, but you should see the bruises I`ve got on my leg and tummy from where they did the angiogram, which was through the way they have to press so hard for ten minutes after it.    I`m black, blue, purple and all colours - and its painful to move certain ways - but still, never mind the result was good and I know the bruises will disappear in time.

Other than that, I`ve not much to write about, its been a fairy ordinary week.

Day off tomorrow, so maybe I`ll think of something more interesting to say!

Message in the Flowers

I received a nice bunch of daffodils from a friend, when I came home from hospital on Tuesday. 

They were tall and straight and in tight bud.  I put them in a vase with water and stood them where I could see them the most, in the warmth of the room where I was.   Gradually over the last two days they have opened and are now in full bloom.   It`s a real joy to watch how they develop and grow.  Really beautiful.

That set me thinking - how we are like those daffodils.   With warmth and love, care and concern we too grow.  And, best of all is God`s love for us.

Heartfelt Thanks

Well, I`m back home and it`s all over.

And, it`s good news - there`s no problems with my arteries or my heart. They told me the result about 10 minutes after the test when they`d looked at all the x-rays.   I am so relieved

The test wasn`t very pleasant, yet not as bad as I feared. And it all seems to be healing up well where they did it. My friend was able to stay in the nice little single bed ward where they put me both before they did it and as soon as they returned me there from the recovery room. The test took about 30 minutes then after going back from the recovery room I had to lay flat for two and a half hours, then then gradually sat me up during another hour and a half, after which I was allowed to get up and walk around a bit. and we could then ring my other friend to come and collect me. All in all we spent about 8 hours at the hospital!
 
I am so thankful to the kindess of all the nurses and other hospital staff, (I can`t remember  the titles of all their jobs) but they were all so caring and helpful.   And, I`m especially grateful to my friend who stayed with me througout it all.

Test Day.

I`m not looking forward to today.   I`m scared.   I know I`m a coward.

Today I have to go to the hospital to have an angiogram, which is apparently a tube inserted into my groin to then put dye into my heart to see what it happening with the veins and the heart.  

I`m scared and frightened on a number of things, - what are they going to discover?     What is the test going to be/feel like?   and, worst of all - what happens if where they insert it starts bleeding again when I get home?   in some ways that`s my greatest fear.

I am fortunate though, in that I have some good friends - one is taking me to the hospital and staying there, and will stay the night with me when I come home, as I have to have someone with me.    Another good friend is coming to collect me after it`s all over and I can come home.   I`ve just had another friend ring me up to give me good wishes and moral support.

I just wish at this moment that it was tomorrow and that it was all over.

Caught in the Headlights

Feeling a bit better and brighter today, I went over to see my Mum this afternoon and have tea with her. 

Driving back a short time ago in the dark, along the main road my headlights caught on something in the field to my left as I approached a bend.  And what a lovely sight that was.   Something I`d never seen before in all the times that I had driven along that short distance between my Mum`s and my home.

What did I see?   A beautiful pair of deer.  They were standing quite still and close to the edge of the field against the roadside.  It really made my day.

I found myself wondering what they were thinking about as they stood there seemingly watching the constant stream of car headlights passing by!

Moaning Minnie!

I`m still here, but I can`t think of anything to blog about.    You don`t want to keep reading about my health problem I`m sure.   But, at the moment I`m just feeling frightened and alone, and worrying about what is happening to me/my body.   I`ve woken up this morning not feeling "right" but yet not exactly feeling ill, nor  can  I really describe how I feel - its just a feeling of not being right.

Quandry, shall I go to work and hope it wears off, or should I stay at home incase it develops into something.  Maybe its just a reaction to all the tablets I`m now having to take, maybe its the worry of next weeks hospital test, maybe its.......     Oh, I don`t know!

Relevant Thought for the Day

I receive a daily email Bible verse and Thought for the Day from Living Light, and part of today`s was so apt it said:


“Even sickness - that appears to have absolutely no use - has little gems and hidden jewels that are revealed, often through other people. Paul had many people to help him get away, and although we can’t escape from illness we can allow people to help us and be alongside our suffering. Illness is not glamorous and we have to learn to agree with Paul, that we will boast of the things that show our weakness - not an easy thing to do!”

To read the whole piece click here.

I have been and am so thankful to everyone who are helping me at this time.

Key thoughts

Waking up in the middle of the night, and unable to get back to sleep my mind started wandering! 
And I didn`t like where it went.

I found myself thinking what would I do, if I were taken ill in the night and the emergency people needed to get in.  My front door was locked, the key taken out of the lock as always, the back door was locked too.  Ok, no problem if I was able to go downstairs, but what if I wasn`t.   How would they get to me.   

It made me think, should I somehow keep a key outside somewhere, in the way that people used to leave their keys under the doormats when they went out, or under a stone.   But, Imagine doing that today!.    Should I put one in the shed - yet in the dark it would be hard to find, and in these days of security would that be safe to have one there in the daytime. 

I wonder if anyone else, especially anyone on their own, has pondered this and if they`ve come up with a solution.

Inspiring hymns

Turning on the television this tea time to watch the BBC Songs of Praise, having not been to church today, I found it a very inspiring one, with many several hymns that seemed to speak to me, and my current situation and worries.   

Helpful advice recalled

 I remembered a bit of advice yesterday, given to me by a friend many years ago, when I was worried and afraid to tell my mother something, which I knew she`s have to know in the end - and that was that - I`d only make myself feel worse by keeping worrying about how to tell her knowing I would have to in the end.  So do it and get it over with.

So, when she rang me yesterday morning and said "are you alright", I did tell her a "watered down" account of what had transpired this week, and what I `might` have.  

And, yes, I do feel much better for having done so and at least got that worry off my mind.

Tests

I got to the hospital in good time yesterday, and we found the department quite easily, once we`d managed to find a space on the car park.

Having reported in at the correct desk, it wasn`t long before I was called in to have an ECG, then back to the waitng room.     

After a fairly long wait, thankfully I had my friend there to sit and chat to, or at least for her to do most of the chatting thus keeping my mind off of worrying somewhat, I was called through again for lots of questions and other tests.    Back to the waiting room.

My name was then called again, to go and have a heart scan, that duly done - back to the waiting room.

Finally we were called in to get the results of all the tests, and that revealed that they think it is Angina, but I need to have a further test, on another day.   And depending on the result of that, I may need another test or something at Papworth - that really has alarmed me.   

I`ve now got 5 different tablets to take each day - but, as I said to them, I don`t mind how many tablets I have to take, so long as it sorts things out.

I am just so grateful to my friend for being with me and coming with me at such short notice.   and also for the kindess and help of all the medical staff, whose manner and attitude gave one confidence in them.

My big worry now, is what or how to tell my Mum.

Scared

Well, I rang the surgery yesterday at 8.15am, and was told that a doctor would ring me back.   I asked about what time that would be and was told within 2 hours.

Ten minutes later the phone rang, and it was the doctor.   After asking me lots of questions about my pain, he said he`d like me to come up to have an ECG test, and made an appointment me for me for 8.50 a.m. 

Off I dutifully went, and within a few minutes of being there I was called through for a nurse to do the test.  Then back to the waiting room for a few minutes before I had to see another nurse to have my blood pressure, pulse and other tests.    Back again to the waiting room to wait to see the doctor.  It may be a little wait, I was warned.   But within a short time, I was called in to see the doctor.   After more examination and lots of questions it seems its possibly either to do with a muscle, or could be angina.   That I didn`t like the sound of, especially when he said to me, if you have the pain for more than 20 minutes dial 999.     He then arranged for me to go for tests as the N&N hospital today.

So, I`m feeling pretty scared.    

I rang a church friend yesterday, and she is going to come with me as I didn`t feel I wanted to go on my own.

But, I am very impressed with the prompt and efficient service I received from my surgery.

A pain in the.....

I`ve got a pain.  
I`ve had it since Saturday.  
It`s in the chest, or is it in my stomach? - it`s sort of in the middle between both.   Where`s the diviving line, I wonder between one and the other?  
It seems to move and at times I feel it round my back too.
It`s not a sharp pain, more of a achy type I suppose you`d call it.
I`m getting worried as to what it is.
Wondering whether to go to the doctors, or whether to wait a bit longer.
It doesn`t hurt when I`m sitting doing nothing, nor when I`m in bed. 
Maybe it`s just a muscle I`ve strained.  Yet, is it something internal?  something serious? 
All kinds of thoughts are going round in my mind.
I don`t feel right, but I don`t feel ill exactly.
I`m in a quandry over it.