A week today I`ll be heading off for a holiday in North Yorkshire. The first holiday I`ve had away for three and a half years.
But.... before that, I`ve got to pluck up the courage to tell my Mother that I`m going away.
I didn`t tell her when I booked it months ago, as I know she`d try to put all kinds of obstacles in the way and get wound up and worried. I know she`ll still do that, but at least for a lot less time, only 7 day instead of weeks and weeks. She always imagines that something is going to happen to me, like an accident if I`m driving anywhere (not that I`m a careless driver, but it`s all the others on the road she says! yet she loves getting the car and going out with me).
I`m sure it`s more a case that she`s thinking of herself and what she`s do if anything did happen to me, she keeps saying I`m all she`s got. Which is so possessive and selfish. Where she lives she has carers on hand 24 hours a day so she`s well looked after.
I`ve never found it easy to tell my mother anything, and I`ve been trying to analyse why. It makes me now wonder if I`m actually afraid of her, and always have been in some way. Not that she`ll physically hurt me, although as a child she was the one who would hit me at times if she thought I`d done something wrong, I can never remember my Dad hitting me.
I know envy is wrong, but I do so envy those daughters who have such a good relationship with their mums. I`ve never had that.
So, wish me luck as I pluck up courage today, or tomorrow, or the next day......