Saturday, August 27, 2011

Plucking up Courage

A week today I`ll be heading off for a holiday in North Yorkshire.   The first holiday I`ve had away for three and a half years. 

But.... before that, I`ve got to pluck up the courage to tell my Mother that I`m going away. 

I didn`t tell her when I booked it months ago, as I know she`d try to put all kinds of obstacles in the way and get wound up and worried.    I know she`ll still do that, but at least for a lot less time, only 7 day instead of weeks and weeks.   She always imagines that something is going to happen to me, like an accident if I`m driving anywhere (not that I`m a careless driver, but it`s all the others on the road she says! yet she loves getting the car and going out with me).    
I`m sure it`s more a case that she`s thinking of herself and what she`s do if anything did happen to me, she keeps saying I`m all she`s got.   Which is so possessive and selfish.  Where she lives she has carers on hand 24 hours a day so she`s well looked after.

I`ve never found it easy to tell my mother anything, and I`ve been trying to analyse why.   It makes me now wonder if I`m actually afraid of her, and always have been in some way.  Not that she`ll physically hurt me, although as a child she was the one who would hit me at times if she thought I`d done something wrong, I can never remember my Dad hitting me. 

I know envy is wrong, but I do so envy those daughters who have such a good relationship with their mums.  I`ve never had that. 

So, wish me luck as I pluck up courage today, or tomorrow, or the next day......


Z said...

Ivy, I so sympathise. And I know you'll get it in the neck if you leave it until the last minute to tell her, but I'd still leave it as long as possible. Explain that the longer she had to think about it, the more anxious she would be, so you were sparing her the worry.
Is there a friend you could ask to call in to visit her? She must know people from chapel who would be happy to pop in, and if she had that to look forward to, she might feel you'd thought about her. She is selfish, but that's more understandable at this time in her life than it was in the past. I think we are afraid of our mothers - not physically, but afraid of their anger or disapproval. They know how to trip the guilt switches.

I've a friend who looks after an elderly friend of hers, and she actually has phoned her on the way to a holiday with a medical "emergency,' causing my friend to abandon her holiday. In the end, the doctor said she was desperate for a holiday and suggested a coach trip so that she couldn't come home! It isn't just mothers.

Best wishes, dear.

Ivy said...

Thanks Z.

Yes, there are several people at our church who have said that they will go over to see her. So that`s good.

Lani said...

Isn't interesting, the power we let others have over us sometimes? And the parent/child thing is a whole 'nother dynamic to add to the equation. You can do it. Go and enjoy and don't give it another thought, if you can. I think you will find it to be extremely liberating. She's going to try to make you feel guilty, I would imagine. Just try to enjoy it without the guilt. That's a toughy. Guilt hold a lot of power over us sometimes, too. I deal with a lot of what they call "mommy guilt" these days. I hope you have a fabulous holiday! Guilt free!

Ivy said...

Thanks, Lani