Being Watched

Sitting at my office desk yesterday, alone in the office, I got the feeling that I was being watched.   Now, I hasten to add, my office is on the first floor of a buiding, up 17 steps.  There were no workmen working on the building, and we do not have a window cleaner.

I looked across to the big bay window, and at first couldn`t see what was making me feel that someone was watching me.  Then, looking down to the bottom of the left hand side of the bay window, I spotted it.   There, standing with it`s head up tall right against the window peering in from the window ledge was  - a pigeon, looking right at me.

I sat and looked at it, wondering what it was thinking as it stood there looking in.    Did it want to come in?  Did it wonder what I was doing?   Did it wonder what all the things in the room were, so different to its ouside world?   Was it hungry, or looking for somewhere to nest?   What could it actually see, I wondered? 

After quite a few minutes of looking at each other, it flew off, and I went back to my work.   

I wonder if it will come to visit me again?!

A sign of spring

A friend brought me this lovely bunch of tulips yesterday.  Aren`t they a beautiful colour.

I carefully pierced through the stems, just under the flower, with a pin before putting them in the vase as I`m told that helps them to keep up straight and not flop over.   Will see what happens.   It`s working so far.

Black & Blue

I`ve just realised, its a week since I wrote a post here.   I`ve been back to work this week.  I feel better, but you should see the bruises I`ve got on my leg and tummy from where they did the angiogram, which was through the way they have to press so hard for ten minutes after it.    I`m black, blue, purple and all colours - and its painful to move certain ways - but still, never mind the result was good and I know the bruises will disappear in time.

Other than that, I`ve not much to write about, its been a fairy ordinary week.

Day off tomorrow, so maybe I`ll think of something more interesting to say!

Message in the Flowers

I received a nice bunch of daffodils from a friend, when I came home from hospital on Tuesday. 

They were tall and straight and in tight bud.  I put them in a vase with water and stood them where I could see them the most, in the warmth of the room where I was.   Gradually over the last two days they have opened and are now in full bloom.   It`s a real joy to watch how they develop and grow.  Really beautiful.

That set me thinking - how we are like those daffodils.   With warmth and love, care and concern we too grow.  And, best of all is God`s love for us.

Heartfelt Thanks

Well, I`m back home and it`s all over.

And, it`s good news - there`s no problems with my arteries or my heart. They told me the result about 10 minutes after the test when they`d looked at all the x-rays.   I am so relieved

The test wasn`t very pleasant, yet not as bad as I feared. And it all seems to be healing up well where they did it. My friend was able to stay in the nice little single bed ward where they put me both before they did it and as soon as they returned me there from the recovery room. The test took about 30 minutes then after going back from the recovery room I had to lay flat for two and a half hours, then then gradually sat me up during another hour and a half, after which I was allowed to get up and walk around a bit. and we could then ring my other friend to come and collect me. All in all we spent about 8 hours at the hospital!
 
I am so thankful to the kindess of all the nurses and other hospital staff, (I can`t remember  the titles of all their jobs) but they were all so caring and helpful.   And, I`m especially grateful to my friend who stayed with me througout it all.

Test Day.

I`m not looking forward to today.   I`m scared.   I know I`m a coward.

Today I have to go to the hospital to have an angiogram, which is apparently a tube inserted into my groin to then put dye into my heart to see what it happening with the veins and the heart.  

I`m scared and frightened on a number of things, - what are they going to discover?     What is the test going to be/feel like?   and, worst of all - what happens if where they insert it starts bleeding again when I get home?   in some ways that`s my greatest fear.

I am fortunate though, in that I have some good friends - one is taking me to the hospital and staying there, and will stay the night with me when I come home, as I have to have someone with me.    Another good friend is coming to collect me after it`s all over and I can come home.   I`ve just had another friend ring me up to give me good wishes and moral support.

I just wish at this moment that it was tomorrow and that it was all over.

Caught in the Headlights

Feeling a bit better and brighter today, I went over to see my Mum this afternoon and have tea with her. 

Driving back a short time ago in the dark, along the main road my headlights caught on something in the field to my left as I approached a bend.  And what a lovely sight that was.   Something I`d never seen before in all the times that I had driven along that short distance between my Mum`s and my home.

What did I see?   A beautiful pair of deer.  They were standing quite still and close to the edge of the field against the roadside.  It really made my day.

I found myself wondering what they were thinking about as they stood there seemingly watching the constant stream of car headlights passing by!

Moaning Minnie!

I`m still here, but I can`t think of anything to blog about.    You don`t want to keep reading about my health problem I`m sure.   But, at the moment I`m just feeling frightened and alone, and worrying about what is happening to me/my body.   I`ve woken up this morning not feeling "right" but yet not exactly feeling ill, nor  can  I really describe how I feel - its just a feeling of not being right.

Quandry, shall I go to work and hope it wears off, or should I stay at home incase it develops into something.  Maybe its just a reaction to all the tablets I`m now having to take, maybe its the worry of next weeks hospital test, maybe its.......     Oh, I don`t know!

Relevant Thought for the Day

I receive a daily email Bible verse and Thought for the Day from Living Light, and part of today`s was so apt it said:


“Even sickness - that appears to have absolutely no use - has little gems and hidden jewels that are revealed, often through other people. Paul had many people to help him get away, and although we can’t escape from illness we can allow people to help us and be alongside our suffering. Illness is not glamorous and we have to learn to agree with Paul, that we will boast of the things that show our weakness - not an easy thing to do!”

To read the whole piece click here.

I have been and am so thankful to everyone who are helping me at this time.

Key thoughts

Waking up in the middle of the night, and unable to get back to sleep my mind started wandering! 
And I didn`t like where it went.

I found myself thinking what would I do, if I were taken ill in the night and the emergency people needed to get in.  My front door was locked, the key taken out of the lock as always, the back door was locked too.  Ok, no problem if I was able to go downstairs, but what if I wasn`t.   How would they get to me.   

It made me think, should I somehow keep a key outside somewhere, in the way that people used to leave their keys under the doormats when they went out, or under a stone.   But, Imagine doing that today!.    Should I put one in the shed - yet in the dark it would be hard to find, and in these days of security would that be safe to have one there in the daytime. 

I wonder if anyone else, especially anyone on their own, has pondered this and if they`ve come up with a solution.

Inspiring hymns

Turning on the television this tea time to watch the BBC Songs of Praise, having not been to church today, I found it a very inspiring one, with many several hymns that seemed to speak to me, and my current situation and worries.   

Helpful advice recalled

 I remembered a bit of advice yesterday, given to me by a friend many years ago, when I was worried and afraid to tell my mother something, which I knew she`s have to know in the end - and that was that - I`d only make myself feel worse by keeping worrying about how to tell her knowing I would have to in the end.  So do it and get it over with.

So, when she rang me yesterday morning and said "are you alright", I did tell her a "watered down" account of what had transpired this week, and what I `might` have.  

And, yes, I do feel much better for having done so and at least got that worry off my mind.

Tests

I got to the hospital in good time yesterday, and we found the department quite easily, once we`d managed to find a space on the car park.

Having reported in at the correct desk, it wasn`t long before I was called in to have an ECG, then back to the waitng room.     

After a fairly long wait, thankfully I had my friend there to sit and chat to, or at least for her to do most of the chatting thus keeping my mind off of worrying somewhat, I was called through again for lots of questions and other tests.    Back to the waiting room.

My name was then called again, to go and have a heart scan, that duly done - back to the waiting room.

Finally we were called in to get the results of all the tests, and that revealed that they think it is Angina, but I need to have a further test, on another day.   And depending on the result of that, I may need another test or something at Papworth - that really has alarmed me.   

I`ve now got 5 different tablets to take each day - but, as I said to them, I don`t mind how many tablets I have to take, so long as it sorts things out.

I am just so grateful to my friend for being with me and coming with me at such short notice.   and also for the kindess and help of all the medical staff, whose manner and attitude gave one confidence in them.

My big worry now, is what or how to tell my Mum.

Scared

Well, I rang the surgery yesterday at 8.15am, and was told that a doctor would ring me back.   I asked about what time that would be and was told within 2 hours.

Ten minutes later the phone rang, and it was the doctor.   After asking me lots of questions about my pain, he said he`d like me to come up to have an ECG test, and made an appointment me for me for 8.50 a.m. 

Off I dutifully went, and within a few minutes of being there I was called through for a nurse to do the test.  Then back to the waiting room for a few minutes before I had to see another nurse to have my blood pressure, pulse and other tests.    Back again to the waiting room to wait to see the doctor.  It may be a little wait, I was warned.   But within a short time, I was called in to see the doctor.   After more examination and lots of questions it seems its possibly either to do with a muscle, or could be angina.   That I didn`t like the sound of, especially when he said to me, if you have the pain for more than 20 minutes dial 999.     He then arranged for me to go for tests as the N&N hospital today.

So, I`m feeling pretty scared.    

I rang a church friend yesterday, and she is going to come with me as I didn`t feel I wanted to go on my own.

But, I am very impressed with the prompt and efficient service I received from my surgery.

A pain in the.....

I`ve got a pain.  
I`ve had it since Saturday.  
It`s in the chest, or is it in my stomach? - it`s sort of in the middle between both.   Where`s the diviving line, I wonder between one and the other?  
It seems to move and at times I feel it round my back too.
It`s not a sharp pain, more of a achy type I suppose you`d call it.
I`m getting worried as to what it is.
Wondering whether to go to the doctors, or whether to wait a bit longer.
It doesn`t hurt when I`m sitting doing nothing, nor when I`m in bed. 
Maybe it`s just a muscle I`ve strained.  Yet, is it something internal?  something serious? 
All kinds of thoughts are going round in my mind.
I don`t feel right, but I don`t feel ill exactly.
I`m in a quandry over it.

Still Here

I`m still here, I just haven`t had anything interesting to blog about.    The snow has now all gone and after a day of rain yesterday it`s so good to see the sun shining this morning.   It really cheers one up.

I`m glad too that the rain has stopped and the snow gone, as I`m having my Mum here for the day.  She`s coming to church in the Wheelchair Taxi (that was a great discovery that a firm has one of those in which they can just wheel her in, in the chair and strap the lot in, so she can come independentely.*)    Then after that I`ll be transporting her to mine, and maybe for a ride this afternoon if the sun`s still shining.  It`s the easiest way to find something to do to occupy the time with her here.

*It`s not that I won`t go and pick her up in my car, but it does save me time on a Sunday morning, so that I can get dinner prepared a bit before going out.   (No, I`m not wasting time writing this - I`m eating my breakfast of a marmalade sandwich with one hand while doing so!)

 

Frozen Veg

This snow is causing some really strange effects -

I heard on the radio the news story that local growers can`t harvest cauliflowers because the ground is frozen.   It set me wondering ...... since when did cauliflowers grow under the ground and have to be dug up?! 

What`s wrong with manually cutting them in the way crops used to be harvested? 

Lost Bird?

Looking out of my window the other day, after it had been snowing, I became aware of a small bird which I`d not see in the garden before.  It stayed pecking about for quite a while, and wasn`t bothered by the starlings and blackbirds who were all bigger that it was.

The next day, it appeared at about the same time again, and again today.  So I got my camera out and tried to get some photos of it through the window.   I didn`t want to go outside with the camera for fear of frightening it away.   I`m not sure what it is.   I`ll have to get a bird book to try and find out.   It`s quite quick moving and is quite prettily marked.

Time for sand?

For several days over the last week our pavements have been very tricky to walk on because they`ve been covered in ice, and no attempt has been made to grit or sand them.

It was great to wake up this morning and see clear pavements, no frost, no ice, no snow.

Looking out of my office window mid-morning at the street - what did I see?   Yes, a big council lorry piled up with sand and two men enthusiastically throwing shovel full after shovel full all on the clear pavements!   

Why, oh why couldn`t they have done it when the frost and ice were making the pavements trecherous,  instead of when they were safe to walk on?

Strange Logic

Hearing this news story today of the concern now being expressed about the number of young people not in work.  Is it really any surprise?  Surely a lot of the problem is caused by the raising of the retirement age, or those working beyond retirement age.   I fail to see the logic in making people work longer when there are so many young unemployed people.

It seems to me that there is a very easy, logical solution - to either hold or better still, to lower the retirement age.   That way people, like myself (who will now have to work beyond the current 60, because our birthdays fall just after the cut off date)  would be able to retire having worked all their lives  and leave jobs for younger people.

But, I guess that`s just too simple!