Graveside

As anyone who read yesterday`s entry might have expected, I took some flowers to my Dad`s grave yesterday, it`s in a nice spot by the sea and is very peaceful and calming, and I fairly regularly go there.
It`s strange, but I can only comfortably go to the left hand side of it, and kneel there to put the flower in the vase. Somehow I just can not go to the right hand side, it feels totally wrong, I`ve only ever stood that side once. I`m not sure why I feel so uneasy about going to that side, but I think it`s because it was the right hand side of his bed and then of the hospital bed that I always went to and I suppose I somehow see it as that too, it`s a very peculiar feeling and thing to explain, and I`ve never said it to anyone, incase they thought I was mad.
But it’s a relief in a way to actually write how I feel there, and to share it instead of keeping it to myself as I have for so long because I daren`t say it to anyone for being thought stupid. (and as far as I know, there`s only one person that knows me that reads this and I don`t mind them knowing)