Why am I writing all this, I suppose to try and help myself to think out what it is that makes me get so worked up about holidays. And then, maybe, hopefully realise how stupid it is – but yet, can one change how one feels and reacts?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Strange places
Going back to what I was writing the other day about stress, and thinking about it. I suppose in a way you could call it a fear of strange places, of unknown places. (is there such a phobia?) It`s almost a sort of feeling of being trapped and of not feeling in charge of what is happening. It`s not driving that worries me, I enjoy that. I`d happily drive anywhere. It`s irrational, and again I suppose it boils down to feeling insecure, self-conscious and lacking confidence. Perhaps that why I like driving, because that does give me confidence.
Monday, April 18, 2005
My Cathedral
Thinking about the poem which included the lines of being nearer to God in his garden, reminded me too of a favourite Jim Reeves song that I like, which has a similar sentiment…..
My cathedral has a ceiling of blue,
my cathedral `neath the sky
where I may lift up my eyes unto the hills
and hear music from a stream rippling by.
My cathedral has an alter of flowers,
their fragrant incense fills the air.
In my cathedral
I am closer to him than I could be anywhere.
For here I pray in a place so grand
the carpet I kneel on was made by his own hand.
My cathedral has candles lighted by the stars
and mighty pillars of trees.
No other cathedral is so beautiful
for God made my cathedral for me.
(lyrics found on www.sing365.com)
My cathedral has a ceiling of blue,
my cathedral `neath the sky
where I may lift up my eyes unto the hills
and hear music from a stream rippling by.
My cathedral has an alter of flowers,
their fragrant incense fills the air.
In my cathedral
I am closer to him than I could be anywhere.
For here I pray in a place so grand
the carpet I kneel on was made by his own hand.
My cathedral has candles lighted by the stars
and mighty pillars of trees.
No other cathedral is so beautiful
for God made my cathedral for me.
(lyrics found on www.sing365.com)
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Spring in the Countryside
It was a nice sunny day so we went for a drive along the country lanes. How amazing to see the brown of the hedges from even a week or so ago, now turned to the beautiful fresh green of new growth. The daintyness of pink and white blossom on some of the fruit trees where before there had just been bare twigs. The air was alive with the sound of bird song, and a variety of wild life was to be seen, rabbits, pheasants, partridges, even a squirrel. So much beauty all around. So much new life.
There`s a well known verse that starts along the lines of.... You`re nearer to God`s heart in the garden ..... (the actual wording escapes me, but the meaning`s there, maybe someone will put me right on it).
I think that it could easily be said to be true of the countryside too, when one takes time to look around, and give thanks for it, and feel a sense of closeness there too to the Creator.
There`s a well known verse that starts along the lines of.... You`re nearer to God`s heart in the garden ..... (the actual wording escapes me, but the meaning`s there, maybe someone will put me right on it).
I think that it could easily be said to be true of the countryside too, when one takes time to look around, and give thanks for it, and feel a sense of closeness there too to the Creator.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Nerves or Stress
Nerves or Stress?.... are they the same thing?
Is stress the `with it`, modern word for nerves?
Whichever it is, I get it badly over certain things, and one of them is starting to affect me now when I think about it, before I even get to the time of it - it`s going on holiday. I`m soon going on holiday for a few days and although I look forward to it and want to go, I get very nervous (or stressed?) about going anywhere and the nerves (stress?) gives me a real physical problem in the form of stomach upsets. It`s embarrassing to admit to, and I try to keep it to myself, but maybe writing this in my blog is someway to confess to it. But how to cope and deal with the stress or nerves is the problem and question.
Is stress the `with it`, modern word for nerves?
Whichever it is, I get it badly over certain things, and one of them is starting to affect me now when I think about it, before I even get to the time of it - it`s going on holiday. I`m soon going on holiday for a few days and although I look forward to it and want to go, I get very nervous (or stressed?) about going anywhere and the nerves (stress?) gives me a real physical problem in the form of stomach upsets. It`s embarrassing to admit to, and I try to keep it to myself, but maybe writing this in my blog is someway to confess to it. But how to cope and deal with the stress or nerves is the problem and question.
Friday, April 15, 2005
More Music
As I sit writing this I have a CD of Pan pipes playing quietly in the background. If you read yesterdays blog that might surprise you. But, it`s playing quietly, softly, tunefully. It has no harsh screaming, shouting vocals on it. It`s gentle on the ear, and quite relaxing. Yes, I do enjoy music but, of this type and of gentle light classical pieces too.
I suppose as much as the seemingly tuneless thump of modern music, it’s the way the singer (if you can call them singers!) screams and shouts their way though a few words over and over that grates on me. Whereas this is unobtrusive, apart from getting my fingers tapping in tune to it at times!
It would be an interesting exercise for shops to try this type of music and see if it made the customers linger longer and buy more, instead of rushing to get out of the din!
I suppose as much as the seemingly tuneless thump of modern music, it’s the way the singer (if you can call them singers!) screams and shouts their way though a few words over and over that grates on me. Whereas this is unobtrusive, apart from getting my fingers tapping in tune to it at times!
It would be an interesting exercise for shops to try this type of music and see if it made the customers linger longer and buy more, instead of rushing to get out of the din!
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Thump, thump, thump!.... is it music?
Why it is that wherever one goes now-a-days one is forced to listen to so called music?
Even in the shops and supermarkets pop music is blaring out. Do the staff think everyone wants to think they`re in a disco all day long. Alright, one would expect it in a record shop, but not in a food shop. The sound of the loud thump, thump, thump all the time rather than have a calming effect as music can do, instead sets me right on edge, makes me feel up tight and irritable – which makes me wonder – if it gets me feeling like that, are all the problems with teenagers and youngsters that become hooligans, caused by the music they listen to? Does it stir them up to such a state that they become so aggressive?
Even in the shops and supermarkets pop music is blaring out. Do the staff think everyone wants to think they`re in a disco all day long. Alright, one would expect it in a record shop, but not in a food shop. The sound of the loud thump, thump, thump all the time rather than have a calming effect as music can do, instead sets me right on edge, makes me feel up tight and irritable – which makes me wonder – if it gets me feeling like that, are all the problems with teenagers and youngsters that become hooligans, caused by the music they listen to? Does it stir them up to such a state that they become so aggressive?
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
More on act of Worship
I`ve been thinking more about the phrase “an act of worship” since reading the comment left on my first one on the subject.
I think my dislike of the phrase was because I was using the interpretation of the word act in the sense of something not real. And to me that was wrong as worship is something real.
It`s something that is important to my life and not just something to be acted at on a superficial level which was the way the phrase had always seemed to me. I realise that worship is an activity involving heart, mind and soul… but body?.... (unless one is clapping, …) how? Or am I again thinking of a word in the wrong way of its meaning?
Notice the use of `was`, I think on this phrase I`ve now been converted!, but not on `lost`.
Strange isn`t it, how one can get a phrase and only look at it one way, and not see other possible meanings.
Think I shall have to study English better!
I think my dislike of the phrase was because I was using the interpretation of the word act in the sense of something not real. And to me that was wrong as worship is something real.
It`s something that is important to my life and not just something to be acted at on a superficial level which was the way the phrase had always seemed to me. I realise that worship is an activity involving heart, mind and soul… but body?.... (unless one is clapping, …) how? Or am I again thinking of a word in the wrong way of its meaning?
Notice the use of `was`, I think on this phrase I`ve now been converted!, but not on `lost`.
Strange isn`t it, how one can get a phrase and only look at it one way, and not see other possible meanings.
Think I shall have to study English better!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Monday, April 11, 2005
Act of Worship
I wrote the other day that there`s another phrase that I dislike to hear – it`s “an act of worship”.
I always wonder why people say, act of? To me, (and again, I`m probably odd in this!?) an act, means its not something real, so in that sense is the worship real, or is it just an act? Why not just say worship? Or even a time of worship? A play is an act, it`s not real. Worship is something real.
Yet, I know that the word `act` can mean doing something, an action, like an act of kindness. But then doing worship doesn`t sound right either. Worship seems somehow to be something more of a feeling than a physical doing thing – hard to explain in words what I mean. Am I confusing anyone reading this? I`m beginning to confuse myself now that I`m trying to write it into words!
I always wonder why people say, act of? To me, (and again, I`m probably odd in this!?) an act, means its not something real, so in that sense is the worship real, or is it just an act? Why not just say worship? Or even a time of worship? A play is an act, it`s not real. Worship is something real.
Yet, I know that the word `act` can mean doing something, an action, like an act of kindness. But then doing worship doesn`t sound right either. Worship seems somehow to be something more of a feeling than a physical doing thing – hard to explain in words what I mean. Am I confusing anyone reading this? I`m beginning to confuse myself now that I`m trying to write it into words!
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Net Curtains
Writing about net curtains has made me stop and think. Do we all have invisible net curtains around us, stopping people seeing in to the real us; being a defence or a shield? I know I do.
I was in a meeting the other day and was approached by someone who forcefully wanted to get a point across, and did it in an aggressive manner, which immediately put my back up. I suppose it wasn`t just so much what he was saying, but the way he was doing it. But I found myself drawing those net curtains tight around me so that it hid the insecurity I felt, the doubt he was giving me in my ability to do the job right, my vulnerability, my lack of confidence. And so I found myself reacting in an equally wrong manner, as I tried to hide what I was feeling. But yet, that was giving out a wrong impression too of who I really am, how I really am. I worried for ages afterwards about my reaction knowing I`d done the wrong thing, reacted in the wrong way.
I was in a meeting the other day and was approached by someone who forcefully wanted to get a point across, and did it in an aggressive manner, which immediately put my back up. I suppose it wasn`t just so much what he was saying, but the way he was doing it. But I found myself drawing those net curtains tight around me so that it hid the insecurity I felt, the doubt he was giving me in my ability to do the job right, my vulnerability, my lack of confidence. And so I found myself reacting in an equally wrong manner, as I tried to hide what I was feeling. But yet, that was giving out a wrong impression too of who I really am, how I really am. I worried for ages afterwards about my reaction knowing I`d done the wrong thing, reacted in the wrong way.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Up or Down?
Having taken the curtain down yesterday, (and washed it), I`m now reluctant to put it up again!
I like the open space I can see beside me, but yet I also feel what I suppose it must be like for a fish to be in a fish bowl(!), able to see and be seen.
So should I put it up again for the privacy it gives?
Yet, it`s nice to look out at the garden, and nice to feel the sense of a bigger room, more space.
I am a person who feels claustrophobic and can`t bear to be shut in. I hate lifts. I hate going through tunnels. I can`t sit in a middle of a row of seats, I have to sit on an end. And preferably still, near a door if there is one.
Perhaps I will leave the curtain down for now, and let the light in, and look out at nature.
I like the open space I can see beside me, but yet I also feel what I suppose it must be like for a fish to be in a fish bowl(!), able to see and be seen.
So should I put it up again for the privacy it gives?
Yet, it`s nice to look out at the garden, and nice to feel the sense of a bigger room, more space.
I am a person who feels claustrophobic and can`t bear to be shut in. I hate lifts. I hate going through tunnels. I can`t sit in a middle of a row of seats, I have to sit on an end. And preferably still, near a door if there is one.
Perhaps I will leave the curtain down for now, and let the light in, and look out at nature.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Bird Watching - Time Wasting
I`ve just taken the net curtain down from the window beside me to wash it – good move or not?....
Instead of getting on with what I should be doing, I now keep looking out at all the starlings pecking about on the lawn. Well, that`s if you can call it a lawn, it`s more moss, dandelions and weeds than grass in places, still it`s green! They are such entertaining birds to watch. Some squabbling over some chips we put out, chasing one another if they think one has something bigger or better then they have. Some not interested in the chips they`re contentedly probing the ground for insects or whatever it is they find down there. Then as if by some signal they all fly up, only to settle a minute of two later and resume what they were doing. Amongst them on the groung there`s a hen blackbird, she`s filling her beak with small pieces of food before flying off, must have some young ones to feed somewhere. So much nature on ones doorstep. I should make time to sit and watch it more often. Maybe need to take net curtains down more often!
Instead of getting on with what I should be doing, I now keep looking out at all the starlings pecking about on the lawn. Well, that`s if you can call it a lawn, it`s more moss, dandelions and weeds than grass in places, still it`s green! They are such entertaining birds to watch. Some squabbling over some chips we put out, chasing one another if they think one has something bigger or better then they have. Some not interested in the chips they`re contentedly probing the ground for insects or whatever it is they find down there. Then as if by some signal they all fly up, only to settle a minute of two later and resume what they were doing. Amongst them on the groung there`s a hen blackbird, she`s filling her beak with small pieces of food before flying off, must have some young ones to feed somewhere. So much nature on ones doorstep. I should make time to sit and watch it more often. Maybe need to take net curtains down more often!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Different Relations
It came to me the other day, how many different relations one person can be….
....and how we are different things to different people.
… a daughter,
a mother,
a granny,
a sister,
a wife,
a partner,
an aunt,
a niece,
a mother-in-law,
a cousin….
I, sadly, can only claim to be three of those.
....and how we are different things to different people.
… a daughter,
a mother,
a granny,
a sister,
a wife,
a partner,
an aunt,
a niece,
a mother-in-law,
a cousin….
I, sadly, can only claim to be three of those.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Skip
We`ve recently had a skip outside our house because of the work being done, and it`s been fascinating.
Have you ever watched a skip?
First you get the people casually walking by casting it a sideways glance. And trying to look as if they`re not looking to see what you`ve thrown out.
Then you get them walk by again and give a longer look as they pass.
Next you get the person who stops and stands and looks at it.
And you get those who stop, have a good look in it, and around to see if anyone`s looking at them.
You go to bed at night, and in the morning – what`s that item in the corner? It didn`t come from this house!
Later in the day you look again, where did the watering can you`d put in it go to? or the old crocks?
The next morning – where did those set of wheels come from? They weren`t there last night.
It`s amazing the way things come and go in it, but no-one sees it happen!
Now its gone, what will they do?!
Have you ever watched a skip?
First you get the people casually walking by casting it a sideways glance. And trying to look as if they`re not looking to see what you`ve thrown out.
Then you get them walk by again and give a longer look as they pass.
Next you get the person who stops and stands and looks at it.
And you get those who stop, have a good look in it, and around to see if anyone`s looking at them.
You go to bed at night, and in the morning – what`s that item in the corner? It didn`t come from this house!
Later in the day you look again, where did the watering can you`d put in it go to? or the old crocks?
The next morning – where did those set of wheels come from? They weren`t there last night.
It`s amazing the way things come and go in it, but no-one sees it happen!
Now its gone, what will they do?!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Strength of flowers
Can`t think what to write about today,
so as its spring here are some daffodils.
I was quite concerned about my daffodils last night, as there was a very heavy shower of hail. I expected to see them all flattened to the ground this morning, especially the ones in pots as they`ve gone up very, very tall. But for all their delicate look they must be strong, because they`ve survived, or maybe its because they are flexible and able to give and then spring back?
so as its spring here are some daffodils.
I was quite concerned about my daffodils last night, as there was a very heavy shower of hail. I expected to see them all flattened to the ground this morning, especially the ones in pots as they`ve gone up very, very tall. But for all their delicate look they must be strong, because they`ve survived, or maybe its because they are flexible and able to give and then spring back?
Monday, April 04, 2005
Isn`t English difficult?
I`ve heard it said that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn. Looking at the comments on my theme of “lost”, I can see how true that is. How one word can mean and imply different things; how the same expression can be thought of differently by different people. And that`s only with one word, there are so many that can be used for more that one purpose, and that’s without learning the different spellings of words that sound the same but are totally different.
(and before anyone wonders, yes, I am English, born and bred but with probably a strong dose of Norfolk too!)
So I think we`ll have to agree to differ on “lost” ?
There`s another expression I dislike too, but more of that another day!
(and before anyone wonders, yes, I am English, born and bred but with probably a strong dose of Norfolk too!)
So I think we`ll have to agree to differ on “lost” ?
There`s another expression I dislike too, but more of that another day!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Lost again
A bit more pondering about why I dislike the phrase I wrote about on Friday…..
I know we can feel `lost`without a person, but that`s not exactly what I`m meaning.
“I`ve lost my cat” (no I`ve never had one and don`t want one!)…. but to hear that phrase would mean to me that it had run off, or gone out and got lost, that people would be out looking for it; that it could be possible to find it.
To me anything that`s said to be lost, means there is a possibility of finding it again.
And so I guess that`s another reason why I find using the phrase “I lost……” about a person who`s died, so wrong, we cannot find them again. We know where their grave is (or ashes scattered), so their physical body isn`t lost. We trust that their spirit lives on through faith.
So, how can they be lost?
I know we can feel `lost`without a person, but that`s not exactly what I`m meaning.
“I`ve lost my cat” (no I`ve never had one and don`t want one!)…. but to hear that phrase would mean to me that it had run off, or gone out and got lost, that people would be out looking for it; that it could be possible to find it.
To me anything that`s said to be lost, means there is a possibility of finding it again.
And so I guess that`s another reason why I find using the phrase “I lost……” about a person who`s died, so wrong, we cannot find them again. We know where their grave is (or ashes scattered), so their physical body isn`t lost. We trust that their spirit lives on through faith.
So, how can they be lost?
Saturday, April 02, 2005
More about Ducks
Well, I posted this picture of duck late last night (yes, I was burning the midnight oil, for once!), when experimenting to see if at last I could get a photo on to my Blog. And, hurrah, it worked!
Feeding ducks on a pond in a nearby village is something we enjoy and quite often go out to do.
The white one in the picture, we nicknamed Tufty!
What are we having for dinner tomorrow? –
you`ve guessed it -duck!
Yes, we also enjoy eating duck occasionally. But not, I hasten to add, any from the pond. This is strictly from the butchers.
Strange isn`t it, how one can like animals and enjoy seeing them and yet still eat them. And, before anyone suggests it No, I`m not going vegetarian!
Feeding ducks on a pond in a nearby village is something we enjoy and quite often go out to do.
The white one in the picture, we nicknamed Tufty!
What are we having for dinner tomorrow? –
you`ve guessed it -duck!
Yes, we also enjoy eating duck occasionally. But not, I hasten to add, any from the pond. This is strictly from the butchers.
Strange isn`t it, how one can like animals and enjoy seeing them and yet still eat them. And, before anyone suggests it No, I`m not going vegetarian!
Friday, April 01, 2005
Lost
There are some expressions I just hate to hear used.
I just cringe when I hear “we `lost` Joe or Jim or whoever it is, last year (or whenever)” when people are talking about someone who has died.
To me (and I may be wrong because I`m not good at English or grammar, I just write as I speak!), “lost” is something that`s my fault. I`ve lost an item, or something that belongs to me, because I had it and did something with it, perhaps put it somewhere and lost it – if you follow what I mean.
A person is an individual not belonging literally to anyone. We may be very attached to them, but they don`t belong to us, so how can we lose them?
We can lose the physical presence of them, the friendship, the companionship. We can feel totally at a loss without them. But, we don`t lose the memories, and thoughts of them. So in that sense too, we haven`t lost them, have we?
Wonder if others find the same, or what expressions others cringe at?
I just cringe when I hear “we `lost` Joe or Jim or whoever it is, last year (or whenever)” when people are talking about someone who has died.
To me (and I may be wrong because I`m not good at English or grammar, I just write as I speak!), “lost” is something that`s my fault. I`ve lost an item, or something that belongs to me, because I had it and did something with it, perhaps put it somewhere and lost it – if you follow what I mean.
A person is an individual not belonging literally to anyone. We may be very attached to them, but they don`t belong to us, so how can we lose them?
We can lose the physical presence of them, the friendship, the companionship. We can feel totally at a loss without them. But, we don`t lose the memories, and thoughts of them. So in that sense too, we haven`t lost them, have we?
Wonder if others find the same, or what expressions others cringe at?
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